


Todd and Rebecca II: Rebecca

by songbird103082



Category: One Life to Live
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 18:38:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 27,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3392081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songbird103082/pseuds/songbird103082
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay so this is a fan fic I wrote about Todd and Rebecca, actually it’s a rewrite of a novella I did when I was like 11 or 12. I always loved that couple. When I was starting this I was going to have two parts.  Part one would be called Todd and would follow the story up until about halfway through the hospital rape story line. The second was called Rebecca and starts at that part and that is where I strayed from the original story and had the two of them getting together. I did not post the first part, maybe I will. I would love to do the third part as I am quite proud of it and that was something I just started writing this past year. This was supposed to start with the “Dirty Little Thrill Scene” but I decided to just have parts of the story where I changed it from the original source told through flashbacks in the beginning. I changed some things from the original story (i.e. Rebecca never tells Todd she slept with Powell, she doesn't openly accuse him of attacking her, etc. ) and this is more of a novella, still I hope fellow fans will read, enjoy, and comment!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

Rebecca Lewis stared sadly out of the window of her airplane as it was taking off. There were just too many thoughts and emotions going through her head to even focus on what was going outside.

Bless me father for I have sinned, she thought. 

“What have I done?” she whispered sadly. 

She thought about her life up until then. She had been a missionary for the Statesville prison and had met a man whom she connected with and fell in love with, a hurt soul just like her. He had lied to her and manipulated her but somehow, for reasons she didn’t always understand, he had grown to care for and love her and she had grown to feel the same for him. 

She remembered when he escaped from the prison and she hid him at the closed Tabernacle of Joy. He had seemed so lost and so hurt but there was a darkness inside of him that she could see and sense but there was more to him than that. She recalled when he was sick that first night and she tried to comfort him as best she could through his illness. That look he gave her as he said that she was different. She knew he cared about her, he probably didn’t even know it himself but she knew that he didn’t want to hurt her. 

She knew he was not being truthful. Not about when he attacked Nora. She wanted so much to believe that he had not attacked Nora but she knew in her heart that he had. She tried to rationalize why he lied. Had he just wanted to use Rebecca? Maybe in some strange way, he had not wanted her to be afraid? The way he begged her not to be afraid of him, she could tell in his eyes that he was scared of more than just losing someone he could hide from the police.  
She thought about how he took her as his hostage to the place by the river. The whole time she wanted so much to believe him when he said he would still never hurt her. He was scared and hurt and she didn’t think he would hurt her on purpose. She never hated him, not once but she was scared. 

But she knew in her heart that she had grown to love him. Deep inside she felt connected with Todd, despite his sins, he was very much like her. He was hurt and alone. She had never counted on falling in love with Todd. She had only been doing God’s work but now, God must have had a reason for her falling in love with him. 

She tried to tell Todd how she felt but he seemed unwilling to believe her. Maybe because she had tried to take his gun away. Maybe because of his father abusing him.

She had been so heartbroken when she thought Todd died but she figured she should move on. When Todd appeared in the garden shed, a part of her wanted to run away with him. He had told her that he loved her but she was scared to face her feelings for him. 

She had made her choice, though, her safe choice she thought. She chose to marry Powell who was also a rapist because he was everything she knew she should love. He was from a well to do family, was charming, and protected her. 

She thought about the night she had been attacked and what had happened to her before. 

“Why wouldn’t you want to be with me?” Todd had asked her his eyes so full of hurt.

“I barely understand it myself,” she had said. She knew she loved him very much but she was afraid of those feelings. Why?

She thought about the dreams that she had been having since she first met Todd. She couldn’t bring herself to describe the dreams in detail. She may be a virgin but she knew what sex was and she knew that was what she was dreaming about: carnal desire.  
She told him about her aunt and uncle and the abuse. He seemed so concerned like he felt sad for her. Perhaps because of what his father did to him. Todd looked at her with so much compassion when she talked about what they did. To this day, she still has nightmares about being locked out in the car all night and told to pray.  
It was not just Todd that her aunt and uncle would have told her to stay away from. Even Powell would have been seen as evil. Powell showered her with gifts and encouraged her to go to dances and to dress more like a normal girl and be more like other girls on the campus. That would have been something her aunt and uncle would have called sinful.  
But Todd Manning, he was everything that she had been taught was evil and yet she saw good in him. She knew it was there and she fought so much against herself and the people around her to hold onto her faith. She didn’t want to disbelieve those that she cared about like Renee but she knew that he didn’t want to hurt her and that there was a part of him that was good. 

She thought about his extreme emotions that night. She recalled the way he kissed her. He had stroked her cheek so gently and leaned in and touched her mouth with his with so much passion and tenderness that she knew he not only loved her but wanted her and she knew that she reciprocated those feelings but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Then not too long after that was the rage. He became a snarling wounded animal and as he grabbed her, she struggled and hurt her wrist. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are experiencing some turbulence, it is nothing to be alarmed about,” the voice from the loud speaker boomed.

Rebecca snapped up in her seat. Had she dosed off while thinking about the past? Perhaps. 

She had to put it behind her: what happened in Llanview, the hurt, the pain, Angela Halladay, and Todd Manning. Even though deep inside she didn’t want to forget him.  
There is good in him, she thought as she touched the cross she wore around her neck.  
* * *

She recalled what happened after she was attacked in the park. Everyone was telling her it was Todd but in her heart, she knew he would never do that to her. He could get angry but he always stopped himself. Bo didn’t believe her and Dylan had heard her cry out his name so they arrested Todd anyway, even without her help. She hated herself for that. 

She had gone to see him in the prison but she was so shook up. She couldn’t think clearly. She just recalled what her aunt and uncle had told her. She knew they would say the attack was her fault. She had been sinful. She was terrified and she knew when she looked in Todd’s eyes, he must have thought she was crazy. 

She remembered when Todd had been set free. She felt relieved that he was innocent. In her heart, she had known it couldn’t be him. She was still struggling with what had happened to her but she had to see him. Tell him she was sorry and that she had not lost faith in her, to forgive her. 

She went to visit him at the motel to talk to him when she saw the man in the ski mask who had attacked her. She was terrified and flashed back to that horrible night. He dropped a bloody knife at her feet and she gasped because she realized what probably had happened. Her heart was pounding as she picked up the knife and went towards his room and peered in. 

Rebecca saw Todd on the floor and panicked. There was blood everywhere. Rebecca started screaming. Blair seemed to appear out of nowhere and tried to calm Rebecca down but Rebecca was so convinced it was the devil who had done it that she had fled still carrying the knife. 

She went to the church to pray and Andrew came in found her there. She still upset and confused but she gave him the knife and told him about the man in the ski mask and what happened in the hotel room. She prayed for Todd. She was sure he was going to die and she was hurt and confused. She didn't want him to go, not like that. She knew in heart she still loved him. 

Maybe she had not seen the devil that time but she had seen evil not long after that. It was when Powell took her to the KAD house. At first she felt comforted, being with Powell but he admitted he was the one who attacked her and those nurses because Todd was “in his head.” 

“It’s time we finish this, Rebecca,” Powell had said with a coldness in his eyes and voice that she had never felt from him before.

When he held the gun to her head and Todd came into save her, a part of her didn’t want to flee. She felt so horrible for what Powell had become and even worse to think that Todd had suffered for attacking her when he had not. How could she face herself knowing what she had done? 

Todd seemed to have forgiven her. Even though he was weak, he struggled with Powell and she could never forget the desperation in his voice when he told Rebecca to flee. No matter what she had done, she was still precious to him. 

Todd could say it was his fault for what Powell had become. Sure Todd forced Powell to rape Marty but Powell was right. Rebecca did care for Powell but deep inside she loved Todd and her fear had caused Powell so much hurt that he attacked her and those nurses. 

A part of her wanted to stay in Llanview. She wanted to be with Todd but how could she? She couldn’t forgive herself for causing Todd and Powell so much pain. The truth was, Todd seemed like he had forgiven her. When they spoke at the airport he seemed so sad that she was leaving. In his eyes she could see that he was begging her not to go. 

She wanted to stay there. Renee had been like a mother to her and she wanted to be with Todd, more than anything, but she had been dependent on others. She wanted to think for herself. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by an announcement. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, due to the weather we are being forced to reroute and land in Chicago we are unsure of how long we will be there but will let you know when the information is available.”

Rebecca sighed. Maybe God wants me to land there for a reason. 

Back in LLanview another person was deep in thought.  
Todd walked back into his room over Rodi’s. His eyes were still watery with the tears he was holding back since talking to Rebecca. 

He walked over to his dresser where he still kept his photo of Rebecca. He recalled with perfectly clarity the night he and Zach had found it in her bible at the prison. It was a bit crumbled from him carrying it around with him but he could still see her warm smile shining through. 

“Rebecca,” he sighed. He laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling and thought about the things she had said at the airport, that she was no angel.

He had just come back from Chicago after seeing his father. He ran into her at the airport and he felt overcome with joy at the just the sight of her. They had a long heart to heart. He wanted her to stay with him. He was free, he had redeemed himself, he wanted her, he needed her, and he loved her. 

But she wanted to go, to think for herself. Todd knew he couldn’t stop her. The truth was, if she had thought for herself, she would have been with him and not Powell. 

She watched her plane take off and felt his heart break. He left the airport in a daze and made his way to the hospital to collect his things only to run into his old boss who gruffly asked if Todd wanted to have his job back. Todd wanted to say no, that he didn’t need it but he did. He agreed to return. 

He turned over in his head and thought back to when he had first proposed to her outside the student union.  
He had taken her hands and placed one over his heart and the other over her heart.

“It’s the same,” he told her. “That’s love, Rebecca. The kind of love that runs so deep, it’s scary because it can take you anywhere but we don’t need to be afraid because wherever it takes us, we’ll go together.”

He had shown her the ring, perhaps the only real thing he had of his mother’s but he wanted her to have it more than anything. He wanted her to be his wife. He wanted her by his side, to give him strength and hope; his angel, his rock, and his salvation. 

She kissed him but pulled away and told him she was scared of him. He had been hurt and confused and angry at the world and at Powell for taking away the one thing he cared about, the one girl he loved. 

He didn’t want to think about Powell right now. Powell had raped those nurses, tried to rape Rebecca and caused Rebecca to have a meltdown. He wanted to think about Rebecca, even though it hurt him. He wanted to think about how much she meant to him. 

He thought about when he was in the prison and he saw how shattered Rebecca was. Any anger he felt towards her melted away. He saw how hurt she was, she had regressed back to her childhood, much like he had at times. He hated her aunt and uncle for what they did to her and he swore he could get whomever hurt her. 

He couldn’t be angry at her after what Powell did to him. He knew she and Marty had suffered. How did Rebecca really feel when he had handcuffed her and taped her mouth shut? Scared? Helpless? And yet, she didn’t hate him. She saw the good in him and she loved him for that. 

Perhaps that was why he didn’t deserve her. He had hurt her and she forgave him, she loved him. He could forgive her for lashing out when she was hurt. He could only love her more because now he understood how strong of a heart she must have. 

Maybe he had idealized her, put her up on a pedestal and perhaps that is why he couldn’t accept her flaws before. It was funny how before, it had been hard for him to see them in himself and that now, he could. He could see her flaws as well, but it only made him love her more. She was the only good thing in his life and she was the reason he had changed and now she was gone and so was his desire to try to hold the pieces together of his life. 

He felt a warm tear trickle down his cheek. Flawed or not, it was Rebecca who had first had faith him. It was Rebecca whom he had fallen in love with it, even before he had admitted it to himself. He wanted her, flaws and all. 

Why did she have to go? He thought. She was the one thing that mattered to me. The only thing I cared about. 

He thought about what she had said about needing to learn to be less dependent on others and that she trusted too easily. 

She can trust me, he thought. She knows it, now. And it’s no shame to let others help you from time to time. 

He sat up and glanced in the mirror and stared into his own brown eyes and his goatee. He sighed and laid back down on the bed.

Tomorrow I go back to working at the hospital. I might as well get some rest, he thought.

“Good night, Rebecca,” he whispered sadly before dozing off.


	2. Chapter 2

Rebecca was at the airport in Chicago, reading her bible. She sighed and touched her crucifix. She found herself thinking about Todd. Even with all the miles between them, what she said about how he’ll always be in her heart was true. 

Why was I afraid of him when I knew that he loved me? She closed her eyes. 

“By any chance are you looking for a friend?” she heard a voice say. 

Startled, she opened her eyes. Standing before her was a woman of about 40. She had short blonde hair and glasses on. She was wearing a nice but simple blue sweater and jeans. She had a silver cross around her neck and a warm smile. She seemed to have a lot of warmth and kindness in her eyes. Rebecca found it hard not to smile back. 

“Pastor Linda O’Dougherty,” the lady said with a smile. “You seem like you have something on your mind.”

Rebecca smiled. “Rebecca Lewis. Is it that obvious?”

Pastor Linda laughed and sat down next to Rebecca. Rebecca felt a strange peace with this woman. It was as if they were old friends instead of two strangers that had just met. 

“So what’s on your mind?” inquired Linda. 

“It’s kind of a long story,” Rebecca explained.

“Well, I am waiting for a charter plane to Philly that won’t be here for about an hour and a half at least.”

“I am not sure when my flight is leaving..”

Just then an announcement came on.

“Flight 113 To Dallas-Fort Worth Texas has been postponed for at least 4 hours.”

Rebecca sighed and the pastor smiled.

“Looks, like God wants me to buy my new friend Rebecca some coffee and for us to get to know each other,” Pastor Linda said.

“I guess so,” said Rebecca and the two got up and walked away. 

*

“So tell me what is on your mind, child.” The pastor took a sip of her coffee. 

 

The pastor and Rebecca were sitting at a table each with a cup of coffee. Rebecca was not quite sure where to begin. 

“I used to have this problem, with trusting people too easily.” She took a sip of her coffee.

“I see,” said the pastor as she put her cup down. 

“You see I had a very unhappy childhood. I was raised in foster care because my parents just gave me away. Some of those homes were so cruel,” Rebecca tried not to cry. 

“I know how hard that can be but I have a feeling something happened more recently.”

Rebecca felt stunned. Was she that easy to read or was the pastor just more insightful than she realized?

“Well it started when I was doing a missionary program,” she began and explained about Todd escaping from jail and being on the run and how she fell in love with him but how she felt betrayed by people like Angela, Todd, and Powell and wanted to think for herself and about how she had feelings for Todd but decided to marry Powell and what happened with Powell. She also spoke of very sadly what had happened at the airport before she left. 

“That’s quite a rough year,” Pastor Linda said. “No wonder you look so concerned. But tell me why did you feel like you had to leave?”

“I don’t know,” said Rebecca. “I just want to be able to think for myself.”

“You can do that anywhere,” she pointed out. “Wouldn’t it have been better to do it with people who cared about you by your side?”

Rebecca smiled. “Todd had said something like that.”

“You loved Todd,” said the pastor. “That is not a sin, Rebecca. But you were afraid of those feelings. Why?”

Rebecca shook her head. “I don’t know why. I was just…he had so much darkness inside him or so I thought because people told me that.”

“You see, you were believing in others and they were wrong. That man you almost married was evil.”

Rebecca shuttered remembering Powell at the KAD house. “Yes.”

“Tell me how did you feel about Todd when you first thought he had died?” The pastor put her coffee down. 

Rebecca tried not to cry recalling that night when Todd jumped into the river. “I knew that he was flawed, he wanted to lash out and a part of his damaged, just like I was but…”

“But?” The pastor leaned in. 

“I did love him. I was not afraid of his anger back then because I knew that he didn’t want to hurt me.” Rebecca took a sip of coffee. 

“Did you just hear yourself? You said you knew that he didn’t want to hurt you. Not you believed or you thought.” She smiled. 

Rebecca grabbed her bible and hugged it to her chest. “Oh dear Lord! I knew. I knew I wanted to be with him.”

Pastor Linda smiled. “Why can’t you?”

Rebecca thought for a moment. “I think ..I know..I can’t go back to Texas…”

The Pastor smiled. “You know, Rebecca. I am pretty sure we have room on the chartered plane to Philadelphia if you want to join us. It isn’t that hard to get to Llanview from there. I can help pay for your bus fare.”

“I need to make a few phone calls,” she stood up.

The pastor laughed and opened up her purse. “Here take some change of mine. Call whomever you need to. We will be taking off in about an hour. I will meet you here. Make sure you get our luggage rerouted.”

“Thank you, Pastor!”

Rebecca hurried through the busy airport and found an unused payphone. She dialed and called the Palace hotel. 

Renee picked up the phone, “Palace Hotel.”

“Hello Renee,” said Rebecca. “It’s me Rebecca. I am in Chicago, at the airport.”

“How on earth did you get there? I thought you had a direct flight?”

“They had to do a layover due to weather. Listen Renee…I have been doing a lot of thinking…I want to come back to Llanview.”

Renee smiled. “Do you mean that?”

“Yes, I am sorry. I know it’s asking a lot but could I come back to the Palace…at least for the time being?”

“Can you come back? Rebecca I would love to have you back here. You can come back to working here as well.” Renee stood up with excitement as some of her staff looked at her perplexed. 

“Thank you. That means a lot to me.” She felt like a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders. 

“What made you change your mind?” Renee wiped her eyes.

“It sounds strange but I ran into this pastor and she and I got to talking…and I realized that I can’t just run away. I want to think for myself but …I can learn to do that in Llanview and I need to face certain feelings that I have been avoiding.”

Renee knew what those feelings were and whom they were for but she decided to hold her tongue. After all, she had been one of the ones that pushed Rebecca into having a relationship with Powell who turned out to be her attacker. “Well I would love to see you back here.”

“Thanks, look the pastor is going to get me on her charted flight to Philadelphia. I will try to make the bus to Llanview.”

“Call me as soon as you land and as soon as you know when your bus will be in,” Renee smiled. “I’ll meet you at the depot.”

“Thanks, can you do me one more favor?” Rebecca touched her cross. 

“What?” asked Renee. 

“Please don’t tell anyone that I am coming back. I don’t want Todd to find out. Not yet anyway.” She closed her eyes.

“Of course dear. I will let you go but Rebecca, this makes me so happy. You will be back here in time for Christmas. I love you.”

“Thanks Renee. I love you, too.”

*  
Rebecca was not the only one who had run into someone that was helping them feel better.   
Todd walked into the hospital feeling a bit like he was in a dream. He didn’t want to think or feel. He just wanted to exist. 

“Football, is that you?” he heard a familiar voice say.

He turned and was shocked to see Alice Henson standing there. She was in her uniform and for the first time in a long time, she was smiling. 

“Alice,” he said, smiling. “What on earth are you doing here?”

“Well after they caught the real guy,” she said. “I decided to come back. Look, I heard you were the one that caught him and risked your life to do so.”

“Yes,” Todd said sadly.

“I heard you saved Rebecca Lewis. She must be so happy you did.” She smiled.

“She was…she left for Texas.” He looked down at the floor for a moment. 

“Oh,” Alice frowned. “I am sorry to hear that.”

“Well, she wanted to learn to think for herself.” He looked at Alice again. 

“Look, Todd. If it was meant to be, it will happen. She may just come back here okay?” Alice said optimistically. 

“It must have taken you a lot of courage to come back here, after what happened to you,” said Todd.

“It did, I am still speaking to a counselor,” she said thoughtfully. “But knowing that man who did it was caught made me realize I can’t be afraid. I want to go on with my life.”

“Well, that makes two of us,” said Todd. 

“Hey listen, do you have any plans for Christmas Eve? Maybe we can go to Rodi’s?” she said.

“I have to work here for Christmas Eve,” he said. “But maybe we can hang out soon.”

“Sure thing,” agreed Alice. “And Todd, give her some time. I know that she cares about you and she will see that.”

Todd grinned. He had to admire Alice. She was one of the first people who believed in his innocence and tried to help him prove it even though it was difficult for her. She had also wanted to be his friend when no one else would even speak to him. 

“Thanks.” He felt some small glimmer of hope, but it was only a small amount. He got back to mopping the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time the plane landed, Rebecca felt better than she had been in probably forever. The pastor and she had talked and laughed almost the whole ride and it was like they were old friends. 

“Listen, Rebecca,” said the pastor as she helped her to the bus depot. “I do go into Llanview two Sundays a month to help with some community service nearby. I would love it, if we could meet for lunch when I do.”

“I would, too,” Rebecca said. 

“Now, you be safe getting back to Llanview okay?” She hugged Rebecca. 

Rebecca boarded her bus with a smile and a feeling as if a weight had been taken off her shoulder. She felt like things were finally going to be okay. On the way back she took a little nap and thought about something she had not thought about in a new time. 

When she was seventeen, she had earned money from baby sitting and decided to keep some of it, even though her aunt and uncle usually insisted she put all of it into the collection plate. Keeping money for spending on material things was sinful.

But she had wanted to be at least a little bit like girls her age. She had gone to buy some lipstick and wear it. She snuck into her room after coming back from the store. She pulled the lipstick out of her purse and decided to try it on before her aunt and uncle found out. 

Sadly, she had forgotten to lock the door. Her uncle walked in, his bible in his hand, and found her. He gasped as if Rebecca was eating a baby and violently snatched her. She cried out in pain but he didn’t seem to care. 

“Quiet, you whore!” he hissed. “Just like your mother.”

“Please, Uncle Joseph,” she cried out. “I am sorry.”

“You want to paint your face, just like Jezebel.” He shook her and she yelped in pain again. 

He dragged her out to the car and locked her in with her bible and spat at her to pray for her soul. He and her aunt, Bertha, left her in there all night as she cried and pleaded. It was so cold out there and they didn’t give her any food. She remembered shivering and feeling hungry and frightened. 

She suddenly woke up, terrified. She looked around the bus and looked out the window. She was at the bus depot in Landview. She saw Renee was waiting for her with a warm smile. She felt better. 

 

“Oh Rebecca,” said Renee as she hugged her. “You have no idea how much I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she said still shaking.

“What’s wrong?” Renee asked. 

“I had this dream on the bus,” she said. “It was about something that happened when I was young with my uncle.”

Renee seemed concerned. She knew about what Rebecca’s aunt and uncle had done to her. They had psychologically tortured her about religion. Telling her that everything was a sin and she would burn in Hell. 

“You know,” she told Rebecca. “What your uncle and aunt did to you was wrong. I know it’s hard to accept that but it is the truth. 

“I know that, that’s what Pastor Linda and I talked about. That’s the woman I met at the airport. She told me that I need to let go of the past and not be so afraid.”

“Well,” said Renee as she picked up Rebecca’s suitcase. “Let’s get you back home.”  
*

The next day Rebecca was working during the lunch rush when she heard a familiar voice. 

“Rebecca Lewis?” 

She turned and saw Alice Henson sitting at one of the tables. Rebecca recognized a couple of the other ladies as nurses from the hospital but she didn’t know their names. 

“Oh, hi. Alice the nurse right?” she said smiling. 

“Yes. I thought you were back in Texas,” Alice smiled.

“It’s a long story but I decided to come back here. I thought I heard you left as well.” She walked over to the table.

“I came back. I realized I couldn’t just run from my fears,” Alice said.

“Me too,” Rebecca said thoughtfully.

“Well, what are you doing for Christmas and New Year’s?” Alice asked.

“Well Christmas Eve I am going to the 8 pm service. I promised Reverend Andrew that I would help set up and nothing for New Year’s Eve, yet,” said Rebecca. 

“Well maybe we can get together on New Year’s Eve? You are here at the Palace right?”   
“Yes. Just do me one favor?” Rebecca asked. 

“What is that?”

“Don’t tell Todd I am back yet. Before I left for Texas, we spoke, and I think he may have been a little upset that I was leaving. I am not sure if I am ready to face him yet,” she said. 

“Okay,” said Alice nodding. “I won’t tell him that you are back.”

Rebecca turned to go back to work. One of the other nurses at the table turned to Alice. 

“So you are going to keep this a secret?” she said.

“Of course, I am not going to tell Todd she’s back but I have a feeling, he is going to find out anyway.” Alice grinned.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey Alice,” asked a nurse. “Rodi’s tonight after work?”

“Sure, why not?” she said.

Alice was still so happy to be back the hospital doing what she loved. Today had been a slow day but a good one. She was just finishing her shift at the hospital when Todd was coming in to get ready for his shift. 

“Hi Football,” she cheerfully greeted. “How are you doing?”

“Hi,” Todd responded and forced a smile. “Still here.”

“This must be a hard time for you, do you have any plans at all for the holidays?” she asked.

“Nah, my old man died not too long ago, not that we were close and I have no other family,” he explained.

“Oh, sorry to hear,” Alice said. She thought for a moment and grinned. “You know, Todd, I have to work till 11 on Christmas Eve which means I am going to miss the 8 pm service at St. James and it really bothers me that I have to miss it. Can you go for me?”

Todd seemed puzzled. “Go to church?”

Alice nodded and put her hands together as if begging. 

“For you?” he said.

“Please, a Christmas gift for me and I may just have one for you that night.” She smiled thinking of Rebecca.

“I don’t know.” Todd said as he started to walk away.

 

“Oh, come on,” she pleaded and followed him. 

Todd turned and looked at her. It seemed like an odd request to him but not impossible. It seemed to matter so much to her and she had been one of the few to believe in him during the rapes at the hospital.

“Okay,” he responded with reluctance. 

“Thank you so much,” she exclaimed as she walked out of the building stifling a giggle.

Todd just shook his head. It was an odd request but heck since Rebecca was gone, Alice was one of the few people in this town he could call friend. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his crumbled picture of Rebecca. Her smile still shone through like a star in the sky.

“Rebecca,” he sighed sadly as he placed it back in his pocket.   
*

The next day Rebecca was having lunch with Pastor Linda at a diner in Llanview. She found herself enjoying the hustle and bustle around her of people talking, coffee cups clanking, and servers moseying along with food and taking orders. It was funny how she found beauty everywhere these days, just like she did before she was attacked.

“So, how are things with you?” the pastor asked.

“Doing good, Renee took me back in and I don’t know, it feels different being back here.”

“I do know, you are changing and that is why.” Pastor Linda took a sip of her coffee.

“Yes, I guess. I am already going to be enrolling back in school for next year.”

“Great, you know if you are interested, I know a great private school in NJ that I could get you a teaching job at when you graduate.”

“I don’t know if I am getting my teaching certificate.” Rebecca drank some of her coffee. 

“You don’t need one in a private school,” she explained. “You can always apply later.”

“Okay,” she said feeling happy about planning a future.

“So have you seen Todd since you came back?” the pastor smiled. 

Rebecca paused. “No, in fact I have asked people not to tell him I am back.”

“Rebecca, you can’t be afraid of your own heart.” The pastor looked at her with so much warmth and concern. “That is the real reason you want to think for yourself isn’t it? Because you let others tell you to go against what is in your heart.”

“But I also love the Lord,” she said.

“As do I, but I learned when I was your age, that I can’t be afraid to follow what is here.” She placed her hand over hear heart. “You can love your faith, and do what is the right thing by that and still follow your heart. Isn’t that what we believe in? There is a time where we must follow what is written not in stone but in our hearts.”

Rebecca smiled and felt a bit better. “I should stop avoiding him. I guess a part of me felt guilty for hurting him.”

“Did Todd hurt you?” she asked Rebecca.

“Yes, but..”

The pastor held up her hand. “Did he regret it?”

“He hated himself for it and wanted my forgiveness.” Rebecca thought about the time she found him in the garden shed. 

“And you forgave him instead of hating him.”

“Of course, I could never hate him,” Rebecca insisted. 

“Because?” The pastor smiled, already knowing the answer. 

“I love him,” Rebecca whispered.

“Do you think that Todd hates you?”

“No, he still loves me. I could tell at the airport when..” Rebecca stopped.

“What do you think would happen if you told Todd you felt guilty?” 

“I think…I know…he would tell me he stills love me,” Rebecca confessed. She knew it. Todd had no anger towards her. He had risked his life while he was weak and injured to save her from Powell. He would do it all over again no doubt. 

The pastor smiled. “Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies.”

Rebecca smiled and finished her coffee. She wondered how it is the pastor seemed happy with whatever Rebecca was feeling and she felt blessed to have a friend whom she could trust once again.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the day before Christmas. Todd was in his room over Rodi’s trying to get some rest before he left for the church, his present to Alice. He had a small beat up Christmas tree in his room and very little else that seemed go signify the holiday. 

He was curled up in a fetal position and was having a nightmare, a recap of something from his childhood. It was the last night his mom had spent with him and his father. 

His father had been working late and Todd was upstairs in his room. He could hear him yelling at his mom. He couldn’t make out all of the words but every now and then, one would float up to his room.

“Whore,” he had heard his father call his mother. He couldn’t make out all of the words but he could tell that his father was accusing her of seeing someone, a man. 

She was pleading with him to calm down and Todd could hear him his father hitting his mother. It was not the first time he had overheard that. Todd was starting to cry even though he knew his old man would have called him a wimp. Her words came up to his room and lingered for a moment like a specter. 

“Please, Peter,” she pleaded. “I do still love you but I am afraid of you, of the anger inside of you.”

Rebecca had said similar words to him when he was hiding at the tabernacle. He tossed and turned in his sleep.

He could recall hearing his father call her a liar and a user and hit her so hard that she hit the floor and was crying. He heard the sound of his old man storming out, slamming the door, and his car starting up. Todd had wanted to go down to her but was petrified to leave his room. Fortunately, she came up stairs to him. 

She had opened the door softly to his room and shut it behind her without a sound. He was laying on his stomach as he tended to do. She walked so quietly to his bed that she was like a ghost. She sat down on the edge of his bed. Her presence made him feel a little better even though he knew she had just been hurt. 

“Mama,” he had whispered with a stutter. 

“Don’t look at me, Todd,” she instructed. “Just close your eyes. I am here.”

He kept his eyes closed. At the time he had thought it was because she did not want him to see that she had been crying. But now he realized that she was probably black and blue from his father. The next morning she had left before he was up and his father had told him that she had gone to the store and would be back before he came home from school. But when he had come home, all he had found was a note from her.

“That’s it,” she had whispered to him, her voice as soothing as a lullaby. “Just keep your eyes closed. Hush.”

She sat on his bed and stroked his back and his head as he kept his eyes closed. Tears were still falling through his closed eyes. 

“Don’t cry, Todd,” she whispered soothingly. “No matter what, I will always be in your heart and no matter where I go, you will always be in my heart.”

Todd took solace in these words and she repeated them once more and kept stroking his head. He felt himself relax and fall back asleep. 

“Mama,” he cried out softly waking up. 

He sat up and looked in his mirror over the dresser. His eyes were red from crying. His mom’s words still echoed in his head.

You’ll always be in my heart. 

Rebecca had spoken those words to him before she had left for Texas. Perhaps she was better off. He may have hurt her even though he didn’t want to. He couldn’t stand the thought of Rebecca being black and blue like that, especially if it was his fault. He blamed himself for what happened to her with Powell and it hurt him to think of how she had broken down, been so terrified after the assault.

“Maybe she is better off away,” he muttered.

He still wanted her. Still longed for her in a way that hurt him. He felt connected with her, in a way he had never felt before. She had been his angel and now he was lost without her. 

He looked at the clock. It was little after 7 pm. Time to keep his promise to Alice.

“Well Manning,” he said as he turned to look in his mirror again. “Merry Christmas.”


	6. Chapter 6

Todd put on his only suit and proceed to walk to St. James. It had started to snow and he barely bothered to brush it off himself as he was walking. 

“I hate snow,” he muttered.

He continued to walk to St. James and saw that the parking lot was full. He checked his watch, it was almost 8 pm. No doubt it was standing room only inside.

“Oh well,” he mumbled as he headed in. He knew that C.J. and Sarah would be there so perhaps that would brighten his mood a bit. 

He walked into the church and saw a large crowd of people already sitting. It looked like he would have to stand. He stood in a corner in the back, wishing he could disappear. He scanned the crowd, seeing if he recognized anyone but from the back it was hard to tell. He saw Vikki and Kevin. In fact, Kevin saw him and glared at him for a moment but Todd just glared back. He saw Cord and Blair sitting together and that made him smile. They were two of the only people he seemed to like in this town anymore and they both liked C.J. and Sarah so they were alright by him.

He stood without facial expression until he saw C.J. and Sarah come walking down the aisle for the pageant. They both saw him and smiled at him. 

“Ali,” Sarah whispered. Her nickname for him because she once thought he was a genie.

Todd smiled and motioned for her to turn around and keep walking. He adored those two kids. They could always make him smile. 

Just like Rebecca, he thought sadly. 

He continued to stand and watched the rest of the service. As it ended and people started to leisurely file out. He was about to do the same and possibly grab a drink at Rodi’s before going to work when something or rather someone caught his eye. He couldn’t be seeing what he thought he was seeing or rather who. He couldn’t see her face but knew the back of that head and when she turned to whisper something to Cassie, he knew that profile. 

“Rebecca?” he whispered as he felt his heart race.   
*

“That was a great service,” Rebecca whispered to Cassie, unaware of Todd watching her. 

“It sure was,” Cassie replied. “Thank you for helping us set up and getting the kids ready for the manger scene.”

“My pleasure, can I do anything else?” she offered.

“I think we’re good,” Cassie said as Andrew came over.

“We’re fine,” Andrew said. “Thank you so much again, Rebecca. We are so happy you came back. Don’t be a stranger now.”

“I won’t,” she said with a smile. “I should probably go then. Renee and I were going to have dinner together.”

Still smiling, Rebecca turned to leave the church but suddenly she stopped short. Todd was standing there gazing at her. He walked so slowly to her that he seemed unsure if it was her. 

“Rebecca,” he said softly smiling. 

“Hi, Todd,” she said quietly. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you left for Texas? Are you back for the holidays?” his voice was full of so much hope.

She felt nervous at first but then she remember what Pastor Linda had told her about not being afraid of her own heart. 

“No,” she explained. “I decided to come back to Llanview. I realized that I can’t always just run from things and that I can learn to think for myself just fine here.”

Todd smiled wider and once again Rebecca felt that shame she had felt before. It’s funny how he had felt so unworthy of her and now, she felt unworthy of his adoration. 

“So you’re back? For good?” he asked his eyes lighting up. 

“Yes, I am back to working for Renee actually, I need to go. I am helping with the brunch in the morning,” she felt herself relax a bit. She didn’t need to be afraid. They were just talking and clearly Todd was over joyed to see her. 

“Yeah, I got roped into doing the overnight shift at the hospital tonight,” said Todd looking a little disappointed. 

“They gave you, your job back?” said Rebecca cordially. 

“Yes,” said Todd in a groan.

“That’s great.” She smiled. She recalled how Todd had been upset when he lost his job because he was wrongfully accused. 

Suddenly he smiled, “Would you like to grab some lunch tomorrow when your shift ends?”

“Won’t you be sleeping?” She seemed confused. 

“I can take a nap after my shift ends. Come on, it’s Christmas,” he begged. 

“I get done at 2 pm,” she said. “We can meet up at the Palace for lunch. I should go now.”

She walked past him but smiled warmly at him as she did. She could feel her heart beating but she was not as afraid as she used to be about that. 

“I will be there,” he whispered to her as she did. He watched her leave and felt like he was having a great dream.

“Ali,” he heard Sarah cried from behind them.

He turned and she ran to hug him. He held out her arms. C.J. joined her. Blair and Cord were walking behind them. 

“Merry Christmas, Todd,” said Cord with a warm smile. “I am glad you came and as you can see, your two biggest fans are as well.”

“Me too,” said Todd letting go of the kids.

“Was that Rebecca Lewis?” asked Blair. “I thought she left for Texas.”

“It was,” said Todd with a grin. 

“I guess you two didn’t know. She came back like a week or so ago,” explained Cord. 

“No, I didn’t,” said Blair. “What a nice surprise.”

She turned and smiled at Todd. She knew how much he cared about her. She felt happy for him.

“Is she staying at Grandma Renee’s hotel?” asked Sarah.

“I think so,” said Cord. “Hey, maybe we can go visit tonight if your grandma says it’s okay. Would you two like that?”

“Yay!” they cried.

“I have to get going,” said Todd. “I have work tonight.”

“On Christmas Eve?” asked Sarah. “Aww, do you think you will still have a Merry Christmas?”

“I will,” said Todd as he smiled and stood up. His eyes became distant. “Santa already got me what I wanted the most.”

He turned and walked out the door. He saw that it was still snowing. He glanced up at the sky and continued to smile. For the first time since before Rebecca had left, he felt hopeful. He walked back to his room to get changed and go to work.


	7. Chapter 7

Alice was at the hospital finishing up some paperwork. It may Christmas Eve but it was a busy night at the hospital. They were working with a skeleton screw and patients who were in there were having many visitors in light of the holiday. Alice kept her spirits up and stay focused on the fact that she would be going home at the end of a long day to relax. 

“Any plans for Christmas?” Debbie Daulton, another nurse, asked her as she joined her at the nurses’ station. 

“Actually, I am working Christmas Day,” she said.

“Aww,” said Debbie.

“It’s okay, I said I would work Christmas if they gave me off New Year’s,” Alice put some paperwork away. “You?”

“I am off Christmas so I am taking the kids to my mom’s,” Debbie grabbed her purse and jacket.

“And your husband?” Alice asked.

Debbie hesitated. “We are divorcing. After he found out about the attack in the parking lot, he filed.”

Alice felt horrible. Both had been raped in the parking lot, but Debbie had kept it a secret from her husband and when he found out, it had harmed their already fragile marriage.

“I am so sorry,” Alice said. 

“I am better off,” said Debbie forcing a smile. 

“Well you have a Merry Christmas with your children and your folks,” Alice said.

“Thanks.” Debbie walked over to the elevator and saw Todd Manning leaving the elevator as she walked on. 

“Merry Christmas, Todd,” she said cordially as the doors closed. 

“Same to you,” he said without even looking at her. He ran over to the nurses’ station to see if Alice was there. Sure enough, she still was. His eyes were lit up with joy and he was smiling from ear to ear. 

“Hey, Football,” she smiled. “You look happy.”

“Yes, I have to thank you,” he told her.

“Why?” she asked.

“You won’t believe who I ran into at the church,” he tapped his hands happily on the counter. 

“Who? Santa Claus?” she smiled.

“Rebecca Lewis was there at the church!” he smiled wider. 

“Rebecca Lewis?” she pretended to be shocked.

“Yeah it turns out she’s back from Texas. We are going to have lunch tomorrow,” he sighed. “I can’t believe it and to think I only went to church tonight because…”

He paused and put the pieces together. Alice had insisted that he go to the church tonight. 

“You!” he said pointing. “You knew, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” she said laughing. “I knew.”

“Why?” he asked.

She shrugged. “You seem to miss her and I ran into her and thought…Merry Christmas, Todd?”

Todd shook his head and continued to smile. “Thanks, Alice.”

“You’re welcome, you know, maybe we can double for New Year’s Eve. Rob, the x ray tech, asked me out for drinks that night. We can all go to Rodi’s.”

“I will ask her. I should start my shift,” he turned to leave.

Alice went to grab her purse and leave. She decided she would go out to Rodi’s after all. Somehow she felt full of the Christmas spirit now. 

“Hey, Alice,” he said turning back. “Thanks again.”

She gave him a wink. “You owe me.”  
*

Rebecca had walked back to the Palace. Her mind was still wrapped around running into Todd. She couldn’t deny that he was a reason, if not the reason, she knew she had to come back. Renee was still at the hotel when she arrived. 

“Rebecca, I figured you would stay at the church to help Andrew and Cassie?” she seemed surprise. “If I had known you were coming right back, I would have given you a ride.”

“I am fine, really,” Rebecca was still unsure if she should tell Renee about Todd. 

“Are you sure?” she asked. “You seem distracted.”

Rebecca smiled. “I ran into someone after the service.”

“Todd Manning?” Renee seemed to freeze.

“How did you know?” 

“I saw him in the back as I was leaving but he didn’t see me. He seemed to be looking at you.” Renee seemed concerned. 

“Well, yes,” Rebecca tried to not to seem nervous. “We got to talking and we are going to meet up tomorrow for lunch.”

Renee sighed. “Rebecca, you know the kind of man Todd is.”

“That’s just it, I do know. He is not a monster and I want to think for myself and judge him with my own eyes and not someone else’s.”

“I know but remember what he did…”Renee started.

“I do, Renee. I care about you, you are like a mother to me but Todd did risk his life to save me from Powell. He could have just stayed in that hospital but he wanted to make sure I was safe.”

“That is true,” said Renee. “But I guess, I just don’t want to see you hurt again.”

Rebecca smiled. “It’s a chance I have to take and besides, it’s just lunch.”

Renee smiled at Rebecca as she headed to her room. Renee knew that she had encouraged Rebecca to be with Powell and she felt a certain sense of responsibility that Powell had almost raped Rebecca. Perhaps she should just let Rebecca be with Todd, if that was what she wanted. If Rebecca got hurt, Renee would be there for her.

“That’s how it starts,” she said to herself with a smile. “Just lunch.”


	8. Chapter 8

“So what made you decide to come back?” Todd asked Rebecca as he sipped his coffee.

It was Christmas day and Todd and Rebecca were at the Palace having their lunch together. Rebecca was still uneasy about her feelings towards Todd, but she remembered the words of her friend, the pastor, and knew she should not be afraid. Her feelings were not wrong. 

“I ran into this pastor at the airport and she and I got to talking and well…”

“Well what?” Todd took a bite out of his sandwich.

“She just…” Rebecca wanted to say, made me realize that I love you but she couldn’t. “She made me realize that I can’t just run off to think for myself. I can learn to do that here with people who care about me.”

Todd grinned. He had said the same thing to her. “I think I like this pastor.”

“I just had lunch with her two days ago and we are probably going to have lunch again in a few days.” Rebecca stirred her coffee. 

“That’s great,” said Todd while still crewing his food. “She sounds nice. So do you plan to go back to school in the spring?”

“Yes.” She nodded and smiled, anticipating a new semester on campus made her happy. 

“I am still trying to figure out what I want to do about my job situation.” Todd glanced down. 

“Why not go back to the university?” Rebecca suggested. “You only had one year left.”

“Maybe,” said Todd. “But somehow I just don’t know if I want to get a business degree. That was when I was trying to be like my old man.”

“Well,” said Rebecca. “You can do a lot of with a business degree. You don’t have to become like your father.”

Todd smiled. Rebecca always had faith. It was what he loved most about her. “You’re right.” 

“I decided to finish my program here. Pastor Linda thinks I can get a job teaching at a private school she knows of.”

“Where at?” he asked. 

“In New Jersey,” she said.

“So you would move there,” he seemed concerned.

“It wouldn’t be for at least two years and a lot can happen,” she pointed out.

“Yes, I was kind of hoping that a lot will happen,” he said with a smile. 

Rebecca paused. “Like what?”

Todd hesitated. He had scared Rebecca off before, he didn’t want to make that mistake again. 

“Well, I want to get my life in order and you do too. Two years from now I want to be out of this place with a whole new life,” he smiled. 

Rebecca smiled warmly. “We both will, Todd.”

Todd smiled secretly to himself as the two finished their lunch with a few pleasant words. When it was over she excused herself explaining that she was helping out with something at the church and he stated he had to get some sleep before his shift that night.

“Oh, Rebecca,” he called before she walked away.

“Yes,” she said. 

“Alice from the hospital, you remember her right?” he asked.

“Yes, she was in here just a week or so ago.”

“Yes, she was the one who suggested I go to church that night and I am glad because I ran into you.” He smiled. “She wanted to know if you wanted to go out on New Year’s Eve? She invited us to to Rodi’s with her and this guy from the hospital, do you?”

Rebecca hesitated again but she looked at Todd’s face, so full of hope and she knew she couldn’t keep on running from her fears.

“I’d love to you,” she said with a smile. “I am off the next day but working that afternoon. I get done at 7 so is 8 okay?”

“I’ll be here to pick you up at 8,” he said still smiling. 

She walked out of the Palace and he watched her go. He left slowly and was thinking the whole walk back to his room. He was still contemplating something she had said at lunch when he went to lie down in his bed.

It wasn’t that she accepted his invitation for New Year’s nor was it that she had been so friendly with him and more at ease than the last time they saw each other it was something she had said, something she probably didn’t even think about before she said that had given him hope, hope for a future with her.

When he had told her his plans for the future she had said, “We both will, Todd.”

We, he thought. Like us, you and me, Rebecca. You know in your heart there is a we; an us. 

He just hoped that she would realize it soon enough. In the meantime, he was going to try to stay calm and let her grasp it on her own.

He closed his eyes to and went to sleep, still grinning.


	9. 9

“So how was your Christmas?” 

Rebecca was having lunch with Pastor Linda in a small diner. She could have invited her back the Palace but somehow, Rebecca liked meeting Linda away from everyone .Linda was different. She was just there to listen to Rebecca and explain things but she never tried to tell Rebecca what to do.

“It was good. I am glad to be back here and working for Renee.”

“Well, that’s good right?” The pastor sipped some of her coffee.

“Yes but things are different somehow.” Rebecca thought for a moment. 

“You changed Rebecca.” She placed her coffee down. “That’s not a bad thing. You are learning to think for herself and not rely so much on others to control you.”

“I guess. It’s just I feel that Renee doesn’t approve of something.”

“What? Renee sounds like she cares about you very much.”

“It’s just that, I started kind of seeing Todd. We had lunch the other day and we are going out for New Year’s.”

“And? You told me that you loved him and that he loved you. The man has made his mistakes but he does seem to care about you a great deal. He did risk his life to save you and you told me he was happy to see you back here.”

“Well, Renee told me that …well she didn’t say it in so many words but that she didn’t really like the idea of us together.” Rebecca stirred her coffee slowly.

“Well, she still cares about you right? And she is still letting you live there?”

“Yes,” she took a sip of her coffee.

“You can’t rely on what Renee thinks,” said Pastor Linda. “You need to think for yourself. I don’t know Todd nor Renee but it’s your choice whom you date or love and if it does not work out between you and Todd, I am sure Renee will be there for you and if does, well you can’t change other people.”

“Well, it’s just that I love Renee and she thinks Todd is still a bad person but I don’t and…oh I don’t know,” Rebecca sighed. 

The pastor pulled a blue pen out of her purse and held it up. “What is this?”

“A blue pen,” said Rebecca.

The pastor shook her head. “It’s a yellow marker.”

“No,” Rebecca was perplexed. 

“Sure it’s a yellow marker, why do you think it is a blue pen?” she asked.

“I can see it with my own eyes and it is a…” Rebecca suddenly got it. “I can see for myself what it is.”

“Exactly,” she put the pen away. “You can see and judge for yourself. You don’t need me nor Renee nor Todd nor Powell nor anyone to tell you what something or someone is.”

“It’s funny,” said Rebecca. “You always tell me things but you never tell me what to do.”

Pastor Linda smiled. “I don’t want to tell you what to do. You want to think for yourself. That is what I am trying to help you do. God gave us free will. We need to not be afraid of what others think if we feel in our hearts we are doing the right thing.”

Rebecca smiled. “I guess in my heart I always felt connected to Todd. I knew he had done bad things but I knew there was good in him.”

“You know why I like hearing you talk about Todd? Because you always say “I knew” or “I know” not “I think”. You know him and yourself better than you realize,” she pointed out.

Rebecca thought for a moment. “I never thought about it like that before.”

“Maybe because you were too busy thinking of others to think about what you had in your heart. I know love can be scary it was for me.” The pastor looked down at her wedding ring.

“You are married, right?” Rebecca inquired. 

“I was, my husband passed away a couple of years ago,” she explained.

“I am so sorry,” Rebecca stuttered.

“It’s okay. You see when I met him he had just gotten out of prison for killing a man during a hold up. He was desperate for money at the time and not unlike you and Todd, people tried to tell me to stay away from him. He had a drinking problem and he was not exactly a popular man.”

“What happened?”

“I knew he needed a friend.” She stroked the ring on her finger. “So I decided to take a risk and be his friend. It turned out having someone not judge him gave him hope.”

“Sounds like Todd,” Rebecca sighed.

“Yes. He turned his life around and quit drinking. I would have never married him if he had not done that but he had to do it for himself and not just for me. He was no saint, he didn’t even come to church really. It puzzled people why I would love and marry him but I did because I understood and cared for him and he did for me. I had struggled much like you did in my younger days. I saw him for who he was, a decent man, not a saint nor a monster and he loved me very much for that, Edward.”

Rebecca smiled and drank more of her coffee. “Doesn’t sound so different from me and Todd.”

“Maybe,” said the Pastor, “but that doesn’t mean you should be with Todd. I am just explaining that you can’t let other people stop you from doing what you feel is meant to be in your heart.”

“I guess I am just at a crossroads right now,” she thought. 

“Makes two of us,” the wise pastor smiled. 

Rebecca felt a certain sense of solace and joy. She smiled back and the two enjoyed the rest of the lunch.  
*

Rebecca was not the only one chatting with a good friend. 

Todd had just left his group therapy session when his therapist, Ray, called him over.

“Yeah Ray,” he said. 

“I saw you at the Palace the other day,” Ray said. “You were with Rebecca, I thought she had left for Texas?”

“Yeah well,” Todd smiled. “She’s back.”

“So what’s going between you two?” he asked with a smile.

“Nothing much yet,” Todd seemed pleased.

“Well, that’s good,” ‘said Ray. “A relationship after what you have been through can be hard, if you ever need someone to talk to, let me know.”

“Thanks,” Todd said as Ray left the room.

Todd started walking over the counter and saw Alice. 

“Hey, Alice,” he said. “Looks like you can count on me and Rebecca for New Year’s. I will be picking her up at 8.”

“Great, we can all meet at Rodi’s right after,” Alice said smiling. “So how did lunch go the other day?”

Todd grinned. “Great. We talked, we got caught up. I just…I just love being around her so much.”

Alice smiled. “That’s great.”

Todd paused for a moment. “Oh, I am sorry.”

“It’s okay, go on.”

He smiled again. “It means so much to me to have her back her. It gives me so much hope, like now, I want to get my life back because I want her to be in it.”

“I hope this works out for you Todd.”

“Me too,” he sighed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is chapter 10 and more is on the way I promise but it won't be up for awhile (at least a week or so). I hope there are folks reading and enjoying this novella. I know the plot is moving slow but that's because this part of the story is more of a lateral story about Todd and Rebecca coming slowly together and changing as people. I promise more plot and action is coming up with the next chapters!)

New Year’s Eve Todd was at Rebecca’s room at 8 pm sharp. He knocked on her door. Rebecca took a deep breath and opened her door. 

“Hi Todd,” she said with a smile. “Would you like to come in for a minute?”

Todd came in and sat on the edge of the bed. He was smiling and Rebecca felt herself catch her breath. She was wearing jeans and sweater and just a small amount of makeup. Todd loved her like that. 

“Can you believe it’s been a year since we celebrated 1994 together?” he asked her. 

“I know, a lot has happened,” she commented. 

“One thing that has not changed,” Todd said as he grabbed and hugged one of her pillows, “how I feel about you.”

“Todd,” she sighed.

“Oh come on, Rebecca, we are both moving forward with our lives,” he explained. 

 

“Todd, it’s not that I don’t care about you because I do,” said Rebecca. “It’s just that I don’t want to be so dependent on other people.”

Todd brush back his hair. “Rebecca, don’t you see. There is difference between depending on someone and being with someone.”

Rebecca stuttered, “Todd you know I want to learn to live life on my own..”

Todd interrupted, “And what? Never trust again? Never care again? You just admitted you cared about me.”

“Of course I do.” She touched her cross. 

“There is a difference between depending on someone, letting someone control you and just being with someone who cares about you. Yes I did manipulate you but I was a different man back then. You changed me.”

“I didn’t mean just you, I mean Powell, and Angela,” she started walking around the room. 

Todd interrupted again. “Look, I let me father control me. It was not love. You let your aunt and uncle control you. We both know how that feels. I do not want to control you Rebecca. I want to..”

Todd looked away and brushed his hair back. 

Rebecca move towards him, “What do you want?”

Todd voice got soft and he looked back at her, “To be with you Rebecca. To have you by my side and to have you have faith in me. I want to be by your side and to protect you.”

Rebecca shook her head. “You know I am no angel.”

Todd moved towards her. “And I am no monster. You know that. I know you are not an angel, but you are still a good person. I want you in my life, Rebecca. You changed me, you cared.”

Rebecca shook her head. “I hurt you.”

Todd brushed her hair gently with his hand. “Remember what you said to be in my mother’s place by the river? That you could never hate me? I could never hate you for the pain you caused me. That’s going to happen from time to time. I can forgive you, just like you always forgave me.”

Rebecca smiled at him. “I used to be so prideful. I wanted to save you.”

Todd smiled. “You did save me. But you need to accept that you loved me. That’s not a sin, Rebecca. It can be scary. Believe me, it used to frighten me to think that I could care about you let alone that I love you.”

Rebecca thought about what the pastor had told her. Love is not a sin. Rebecca knew that, so why was she acting so afraid. 

“I want to be with you, Todd,” she assured him. “Believe me, I do.”

 

“Look Rebecca, when Powell was holding me at gun point,” Todd said. “It made me realize what a monster I had been to a lot of people and that included you.”

“I never thought of you as a monster,” said Rebecca.

“Well, you should have. I held you at gun point and handcuffed you and.” Todd tried not to cry. “You still believed there was good in me and you still cared..you still loved me.”

“I don’t think I ever stopped, though I hated myself for hurting you while I was with Powell,” said Rebecca.

“Don’t,” said Todd. “For a while, I thought maybe I didn’t deserve you.”

“Todd,” said Rebecca sadly. “I thought maybe I didn’t deserve you after I was attacked and when I pushed you away to leave for Texas.”

“You were confused,” Todd said.

“What about when I let people pressure me into saying you attacked. I knew deep down inside that it was not you but then I had a break down. I couldn’t sleep and I was thinking such bizarre things,” Rebecca tried not to cry. 

“Rebecca, I felt betrayed until I saw what the attack did to you,” said Todd. “When you visited me at the prison I was so angry at whoever did that to you and at myself for not protecting you. I wanted to get revenge on whomever it was.”

“You did save me from Powell,” Rebecca said. “You were weak and injured but you risked your life to save me.”

“I’d do it all over again,” he said softly. “Look, it’s going to be a new year soon. Let’s not hold on to the past or worry too much about what may go wrong. Let’s just…let’s just give us a shot, and you know there is an us.”

“Yes, I do, I guess for tonight, let’s just go to Rodi’s and see in the new year together.” She smiled and walked over to him and touched his face. 

Todd stood up and smiled. He leaned in slowly and so did she and they kissed each other gently but passionately before leaving the room, together. 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd and Rebecca try to enjoy their date but run into trouble.

Todd and Rebecca entered Rodi’s together. The place was bustling with the noise of happy folks celebrating the New Year. He scanned the place to see if Alice and Rob had arrived but not yet. He turned to look at Rebecca who was smiling a shy but warm smile. It was hard not to feel happy. 

“Let’s grab a table,” she said. “I am sure Alice will be here shortly.”

“Sure,” he said. He was trying to act casual but he could see people looking at the two of them and murmuring. He just hoped no one would say anything to Rebecca or try to upset her. He would have to deal with them if they did. 

Alice joined them shortly with her friend, Rob. He seemed like a decent enough guy. He was from Georgia like Alice and also liked football. He was tall and somewhat skinny with blonde hair and blue eyes and a huge grin. Todd liked the idea of Alice with this guy. The four starting chatting about life and stuff. Todd was enjoying himself and he could tell Rebecca was as well. He recalled his care free days here at Rodi’s only two years ago. So much had happened since then but he was still happy to be here now, with Rebeca by his side and him, a free man. 

“Isn’t that Cord Roberts with Blair Cramer at the bar?” asked Rebecca.

“I kind of figured he would be at Serenity Springs?” Todd said.

“I am guessing Blair wouldn’t be welcome there,” Rebecca whispered.

Todd smiled and nodded in their direction and they did the same. He had not thought about that. Blair had created trouble between Max and Luna. He was kind of glad to see Cord manning up and showing he cared about Blair, judging by the smile on her face, Blair must have felt the same way. 

It was funny how the bar looked so different to him now as compared to how it did just two years ago. The place hadn’t changed much, even the furniture was the same, the same group of locals were hanging out: a mix of ages from college students up to people who had probably hired sitters to watch their kids tonight. People were smoking and drinking, shooting pool, and selecting songs in the jukebox. The same images as when he was a college kid but something felt different. Perhaps because he had changed. 

The four were conversing as Jim entered the bar. His staggering gait gave away the fact that he had been partying before he arrived. Rebecca saw him and recalled his vicious behavior towards her the previous year in school. She was not thrilled with his arrival. 

“Oh no,” moaned Rebecca. “It’s someone from the campus.”

“Who?” asked Todd looking at the door. 

“It’s this guy, Jim, he was giving me a hard time last year about you and Powell,” Rebecca whispered. 

Jim wasted no time in spying Rebecca. He smiled a crooked and mischievous grin when he saw who she was with. He stumbled over to her and Todd. Under the table, Todd clenched a fist and felt his rage starting to boil. 

“Gee Rebecca, Powell is gone like a month and you move on to your original favorite rapist,” Jim taunted her.

“Get lost Jim,” she shot at him. Todd had never heard Rebecca stand up herself. He was kind of proud of her.

“Gotta a problem with the truth?” Jim grinned as he leaned towards them. 

“Leave her alone,” Todd growled at him, standing up. Alice and Rob looked at each other nervously but didn’t say anything. 

“Just like you left Marty alone,” he mocked him before turning to Rebecca. “Geez Rebeca are you looking to get raped? Does the idea of that get you off?”

“That’s enough,” Todd roared as he grabbed Jim.

“Todd!” Rebecca cried standing up. 

Todd threw Jim down as Jim tried to punch Todd. Todd tried to kick Jim who grabbed his ankle and pulled him down on the floor. Todd managed to get him in a head lock. Jim struggled for air as Dylan came running out from behind the bar to break them up. Cord jumped in to try to calmly restrain Todd as Dylan grabbed Jim. 

“That’s it,” Dylan said. “We are not going to have this going on. The both of you get out.”

Jim scoffed as Dylan let him go. Todd was still furious with Jim for picking on Rebecca. 

“Why do I have to leave?” Todd moaned as Cord let go.

“Just go,” said Dylan. “Or I will call the cops.”

 

Todd sighed and started to head towards the door, feeling like an outcast. Seemed that trouble was always following him. 

Rebecca grabbed her purse. “Wait, Todd.”

Todd turned around, shocked. He remembered being kicked out of here before and Rebecca saying that she didn’t care. She stood next to him and took his hand while other people watched in shock and started to whisper. Well, almost everyone. Cord seemed pleased as did Blair. Alice gave Todd a grin and a wink. 

“Let’s go,” Rebecca said firmly. 

Todd looked back and grinned impishly at Dylan and Jim before exiting with her to head back to his room.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Todd and Rebecca celebrate New Years Eve together.]

Todd led Rebecca back to his room. His bed was unmade and he still had an empty beer can on top of his TV and he had clothes all over the floor. He motioned for her to sit down at his desk while he haphazardly made his bed and tried to tidy it up. 

“Sorry, it’s not much of a place to celebrate,” he apologized. 

“It’s fine Todd,” she said. “I mean we’re together, doesn’t that give you hope?”

Todd paused for a moment. He recalled less than a year ago when he was on the run and the two of them had made it to New York. Rebecca had tried to calm him down at his mom’s cabin by telling him the same thing.

“You said to me before,” he said. 

“Yes at your mother’s place by the cabin,” she smiled. “It’s hard to believe that was less than a year ago, so much has happened to us.”

“Yes, so much.” He smiled. She had said that word again: us. 

Todd sat down on his bed and motioned for Rebecca to come and sit with him. She did so with a warm and relaxed smile and Todd could feel himself smiling. 

“Do you remember last New Year’s Eve?” asked Rebecca.

“Yes. You went to your party and came back to the Tabernacle where I was hiding.” Todd could recall his fear about being caught and his mixed emotions about using Rebecca while he was starting to care for her. 

“Yes, we celebrated together.” Rebecca remembered sneaking over to the Tabernacle to bring Todd food and resetting her alarm clock so he could make a resolution. 

“You wanted me to feel like I could change,” he said his voice sounding a little distant. 

Rebecca smiled. “You have changed a lot, Todd.”

“So have you.”

“I still remember going to the Tabernacle of Joy the next day and worrying that you were sick.”

“I think that’s where I first fell in love with you,” said Todd dreamily. 

“Back there?” Rebecca seemed surprised. 

“Well, I did tell you that I wanted us to start our lives somewhere else together. I was torn most of those days, I wanted revenge and I hated myself for using you because I was starting to care for you. I think deep down inside, that’s why I wanted to come back before I attacked Nora. I was holding your picture and just thinking about how much I wanted you,” Todd’s voice became soft.

“I was starting to fall for you back in the prison,” Rebecca giggled.

“Really?” said Todd. 

“Well, yes...” she said. “I knew you had done some bad things but we seemed to understand each other.”

“We do,” said Todd. 

“Yes,” she said feeling a little scared. “We do.”

Rebecca got up and walked over to his clock. “It looks like we still have a few minutes before the count down. It’s 11:50 pm.”

“So it is,” he said looking at the clock. “Any idea what you want for in 1995?”

“To not be as afraid,” she sat back down on the bed. “I want to be less afraid and to learn to think for myself.”

“I think you are already learning to do that,” Todd stated. “And with people who care about you, like me, Renee, and that pastor.”

“Yes, I am.” Rebecca seemed pleased. “And you?

 

Todd thought for a moment. He wanted to tell her that what he wanted was for them to be together but he didn’t want to scare her off. 

“Get my life back together,” he told her. “Maybe get a new job or back to school. Leave this town. Have a future with you…”

Rebecca looked down for a moment and Todd was worried he had scared her.

“You asked me,” he stuttered. “I guess it’s just...”

She looked up and smiled. “It’s great that you still have hope for us.”

He smiled and felt nervous. “Did you know tomorrow is my birthday?”

“It is?” she seemed surprised. “You didn’t tell me last year.”

“I was too sick to even remember it was my birthday. God, I am almost 23 and this is where I wound up.” He sighed.

“You have worked very hard to get your life together,” Rebecca pointed out.

“I guess,” he said. “When is your birthday?”

She giggled. “It’s Valentine’s day. I will finally not be a teenager anymore.”

“Really? That’s kind of romantic,” he told her.

“I guess,” she moved closer to him.

He started to stroke her hair. He looked into her eyes and felt that pull, that connection that he had with her. He could hear her heart beating again, just like his. He leaned in slowly and so did she. Their mouths were close and he could almost taste her. 

Suddenly she pulled away. “Todd ...I...can’t…”

“Rebecca,” said Todd. “I was just going to kiss you.”

“It’s not just that, I just…I don’t want to mislead you…I mean I want to kiss you….” She started to stutter…

“Rebecca, relax,” said Todd. “I know you are still a…”

Rebecca nodded. “I know it sounds silly…I still want to wait…I hope you can understand…maybe I should go...” 

She started to get up. Her mind was on so many things, what her aunt and uncle told her, what the pastor had told her, and what her heart was trying to tell her. 

Todd gently grabbed her arm. “I know that…I understand okay? Let’s just lay down a few ground rules.”

Rebecca sat back down, looking confused. “Okay.”

Todd started to stroke her hair again. “I will never pressure you to do that. I understand that’s important to you okay? For now, we keep our clothes on and if you want to stop, you tell me okay? Do you trust me?”

Rebecca smiled. “Yes I do.”

They heard some cheering from downstairs at the bar and looked at the clock. Rebecca moved closer to Todd. She could hear his heart beating in time with hers. 

“It’s 1995,” Rebecca said smiling.

“Yes, it’s a whole new year,” Todd commented. 

He leaned in to kiss her and this time she did not pull away. He pulled her slowly down on the bed with him and even with their clothes on, he could feel the warmth of her body and hear her heart beating. For the first time in a long time, he could honestly say he felt hopeful. 

Neither of them were sure of the time but they stayed liked that, just holding each other, and kissing. Rebecca felt a desire to do more but she controlled herself and after a while, neither of them could later recall they exact time, they both just kind of drifted off in each other’s arms. And both were happy.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Rebecca and Todd both meet with someone on New Year's Day that can help their relationship]

Todd woke up from his sleep and tried to calm himself down. He felt something next to him and looked over and saw Rebecca, fast asleep with her head near his heart. She seemed so innocent and vulnerable, just like a small child. He glanced at the clock and saw it was only 3 am. He let his eyes adjust to the darkness and he started to breathe deep to try to calm down without waking her up. She started to stir. 

“Todd?” She raised her head a little. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, just go back to sleep.” He started to stroke her head.

“What’s wrong? You’re shaking. Talk to me.” She stared into his eyes and he could tell she was worried about him. 

He did not realized that he had started to tremble a little. “It was just a bad dream. It’s over now.”

“Todd,” she said as she looked into his eyes, pleading with him to talk to her. 

“Shh,” he whispered as he stroked her face and the top of her head. “It’s okay. Just go back to sleep.”

He got her to put her head back down on him and he placed his chin on the top of her head and waited till her steady breathing told him she was asleep. 

I would never do that to her, he thought. I could never hurt her. 

He closed his eyes and could feel some tears coming out. He tried to control his fear from that nightmare he had. He felt like he was being haunted by the presence of Peter Manning. 

You’re dead, he thought. You’re dead, Dad, and you can’t hurt me anymore and I won’t let your memory hurt me nor Rebecca. 

He listened to the sound of Rebecca sleeping peacefully next to him. It couldn’t make him smile but he was able to feel a sense of solace. He put his left arm around her and felt her snuggle closer to him, unafraid of him. He laid there for a few minutes and enjoyed the feeling of her head close to his heart, her body pressed against him, and his arm over her, shielding her from anything that may want to hurt her. 

“I could never hurt you,” he whispered softly as he lightly kissed the top of her head before drifting back to sleep. 

 

*

“Happy New Year, Rebecca,” the pastor told her.

It was the next afternoon and the pastor and Rebecca had met up for some lunch. 

"Happy New Year to you too," Rebeca said.

"So how was your date with Todd last night?" Linda grinned. 

 “It went great actually, there was some trouble at the bar.” 

“Uh on,” the pastor took a bite out of her sandwich. 

“This guy from school was trying to start trouble for Todd and me. He said some rude stuff to me.” Rebecca drank some coffee. 

“What happened? Did he and Todd fight?” Linda looked intrigued. 

“Well…yes. Todd got kicked out so we had to leave," Rebecca explained. 

Linda laughed. “Nothing wrong with a man fighting for the honor of his lady, I guess. As long as no one was killed.” 

“No we went back to his room and we celebrated there.” Rebecca smiled. 

“Celebrated?” She grinned and winked. 

Rebecca blushed. “No. Not like that. I mean we kissed but we also talked.” 

“What about?” Linda seemed serious. 

Rebecca looked around the restaurant and seemed uncomfortable. “Do you think we could go back to my room and talk in private?” 

“Sure,” the pastor said. The two headed upstairs. Rebecca had introduced the pastor to Renee and the two of course took a liking to each other right away. However, there were still things that Rebecca felt safer telling the pastor and not Renee. In the restaurant she could feel people watching and some of those people had seen her with Todd last night and they were whispering as they stared at her. She couldn't take the prying eyes any longer. Rebecca offered the pastor her chair by her desk and she accepted it with a warm smile. 

“So what is going on?” the pastor asked. 

“It’s just, Todd and I talked about our feelings and we want to give us a chance. Like a relationship.” 

“So why is that a secret?” the pastor inquired. 

“A lot of people don’t like Todd,” Rebecca explained. 

“Yes, I can understand why.” The pastor looked thoughtful for a moment. “That’s why I feel you two should consider moving once you are done college. You can’t change other people, Rebecca. Even Todd only changed because that was what he wanted.” 

“I know and I know that people won’t approve but I want to give this a shot. I regretted hurting him and being afraid of my own feelings. I know people won’t approve but I have dealt with that before, there’s something else I am having trouble with.” 

"Okay, so tell me." The pastor leaned forward. 

“It’s just,” Rebecca started. “I am not sure how to say it.”

“Just say it,” the pastor said.

“I think I am attracted to Todd, physically!”

The pastor looked confused. “You mean like you have sexual desires.”

 

Rebecca nodded and the pastor chuckled. Rebecca sighed and sat on her bed feeling silly. 

“I’m sorry. I sometimes forget just how young you are,” the pastor commented. “But you make it sound like…well…I guess you were taught those things were wrong?”

“Yes. It’s lust my aunt and uncle…they would talk about how having any kind of desire…even…masturbation..even just dreaming about such things..was wrong,” she explained.

The pastor looked very sad for a moment. “You were abused by them.”

It was a statement not a question. Rebecca nodded and thought about the fear they had both instilled in her. 

“Rebecca, I know it’s hard to understand but they were wrong,” the Pastor said.

“But isn’t in the sin of lust?” Rebecca asked.

“Okay, I hate talking about someone who is not hear to speak up but you told me..Todd has issues with anger?”

“Yes.”

“Well his feelings are not necessarily wrong, it is how he controls them and uses them. Having sexual desire is no different, lust, the sin, is when we don’t control those desires and forget that we have emotions and a sense of loyalty.”

“It’s not wrong to feel this way?” Rebecca was starting to feel better. 

“No, it’s how you go about it. And you told me Todd respected that last night. What makes you think he won’t respect it?” The pastor moved over to the bed and sat next to Rebecca. 

“I know that he will..it’s just that…I can control myself but I feel shame," Rebecca confessed. 

“It’s not shame, it’s normal," she assured her. 

“Did you wait till you were married, to have….sex?” Rebecca almost couldn’t say it.

“I waited till I was engaged. I have friends who waited till they were married. I had friends that didn’t. It’s a personal choice.”

“I guess I shouldn’t be so ashamed that I can view him…that way,” Rebecca stated. “I mean I do love him as well.”

“Exactly, it’s love over lust and trust me Rebecca, that can be a great part of married life.” The pastor grinned.

“Pastor Linda!” She was shocked.

“What?” she asked. “You were asking. It’s true. It’s not the only thing I miss about my husband but..it was one of the many good things about marriage.”

“I guess along with other things of course.” Rebecca felt like a weight had been lifted off of her. 

“Yes, like having someone to support you, to start a family with, and to have someone you care about.” The pastor seemed distant all of the sudden.

“I guess,” Rebeca smiled.

“Listen Rebecca,” the Pastor seemed to snap back all of the sudden, “I know a great doctor, Dr. Sucroe, she is a gynecologist. Maybe you should see her. She would let you go to her office for free as a favor to me. It would be good for you to talk with her and learn about birth control.”

“But Todd and I aren’t…doing that,” Rebecca giggled.

“Well no, but it would be good for you to meet with her and get checked out anyway. I will give you her number and you will call and make an appointment, okay?”

"I will," Rebecca promised and the pastor just smiled.

*

Rebecca was not the only one who was chatting with a mentor that day. 

Todd was on his phone calling Ray. His bed was unmade again and he left his towel and clothes on the floor in front of his bathroom. His take out container from lunch was on his desk and he was still wet from the shower.

“Hello?” He heard Ray’s voice say.

“Ray, it’s me Todd,” Todd was starting to feel anxious.

“Todd? Happy New Year! Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, Happy New Year. Not really,” he seemed upset. “I went out last night with Rebecca.”

“Did something happen with you and Rebecca?” he asked.

“No, but I am worried…look, can we meet at the hospital one night?” he asked. “I really want to see you again without Shelia Price.”

Ray sighed. “Okay, how about we meet Thursday at 10 pm before you go to work at 11 pm? We can use the lounge that we use for group therapy.”

“Thank you, I really want some help. I am just so scared. I keep having these nightmares.” 

“Scared of what Todd?” Ray asked.

“I don’t want to be like my old man,” Todd explained nervously. “Please, I am so scared that I may become like him.”

“How do you not want to be like him?” Ray asked.

“I don’t want to hurt her, Ray. Not Rebecca. Please, you can help me right?” His eyes were wide with fear. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Todd decides to go speak with Ray about his nightmares and feelings that are scaring him]

“Okay Todd,” said Ray. “Tell me about these nightmares.”

It was Thursday and true to his word, Ray was meeting with Todd. 

 

“I keep having two nightmares,” said Todd. “Well one is actually something that did happen to me.”

“Well why don’t we start with the one that did happen to you?” said Ray. “Does it involve your father?”

“Is that all you think I have nightmares about?” said Todd in his sarcastic tone.

“Is it?” Ray seemed unphased and calm. 

Todd sat down. “Yes. It’s about something…something he made me do when I was a teenager.”

“What was that?” Ray asked.

“When I was about 17 he got this young woman drunk, she was someone he was seeing.” Todd seemed distant as recalled that memory. 

“How old was she?” Ray asked. 

“Maybe 22 at the most.” Todd closed his eyes and tried to recall. 

“Okay, so what did your father do?” Ray seemed concerned. 

“He got her drunk and she passed out. He told me to…..do her.” Todd cringed as if the memory of that made him sick 

“You mean have sex with her while she was unconscious?” 

“Yes. He told me that if I didn’t do it, I wasn’t a man. He told me she was nothing and I shouldn’t be worried.” Todd could recall Peter calling him a wimp and telling him to do it like a man. 

“So he more or less forced you to have sex with someone who was not able to consent,” Ray stated. 

“Yes. When she was sober later, she accused my dad and me of taking advantage of her. He told her she got what she wanted.” Todd seemed like he was upset. 

“You seem like you felt sorry for her,” Ray commented.

“For a while,” he told Ray. “But my dad told me that all women are like that: users and liars. He told me they accuse men of rape to get back at them.” 

“Did she do anything about it?” he asked.

“You mean like press charges or anything? No. It was her word against mine and my dad and anyway I had used a condom so she had no way to prove I had done anything to her.”  
“So your father essentially had taught you that women could be used like that and to not care.”

“Yes,” said Todd. “I didn’t want to believe that because my mother had been different, at least I thought so. But most girls, they just wanted to use me. They liked being with a jock or they wanted booze or even just to get laid. I tried to take an interest in them but the more women I met, the more I felt like my old man was right. Heck, even Marty had just used me as someone to get her through the night.”

“So all women are liars and users?” Ray inquired.

“Not all,” Todd smiled. “Rebecca was different because she cared about me and wanted to help me. That’s why I care so much about her. I don’t want to be like my old man.”

“How so?”

“He used to get drunk and violent and he would beat my mother. I used to hear her crying at night from him. She finally had to leave and then he just turned his anger on me. I don’t want to hurt Rebecca, I never have wanted to and I never will want to. I don’t want to be like him.”

“You want Rebecca in your life,” Ray stated.

“She’s the only one I care for,” Todd sounded distant. “In this whole lousy world. She is the one who cared about me when no one else did. I have a shot at a future with her now and I won’t let lose that chance.”

“Okay Todd, so tell me about this other nightmare you said you were having,” said Ray.

Todd’s eye grew dark. “Sometimes I dream that Rebecca and I…”

“That you two what?” Ray asked. 

“That we are fooling around and then I…” Todd started to choke. 

“That you what?” he asked.

“Then I rape her,” he said. “I don’t know how it happens. I just push her down and I take off her clothes and she asks me to stop and I just ignore her. I climb on top of her and I force myself on her and inside her. She cries and I just don’t care.”

Todd curled up and started to cry a little. He put his right hand in his mouth and bit down on it. 

“Todd, can you think of why you would have such a nightmare? Especially specifically about Rebecca?” Ray moved over to him and tried to calm him down.

“I don’t know,” he moaned. “Maybe I am a monster. Maybe…I will hurt her but I don’t want to..I know she’s a…she wants to wait and I respect that.”

“Not necessarily Todd,” Ray said. “Sometimes out nightmares show us our fears. You are afraid that you may want to hurt Rebecca because you know you hurt other women in the past but that doesn’t mean that you will, Todd. The fact that you are afraid shows that you know it is wrong.”

“But I still have my rage,” said Todd. “New Year’s Eve some punk was harassing Rebecca and I tried to put him in a head lock.”

“Todd, you need to take your rage bag it and get rid of it,” he said. “You will learn to control your emotions.”

“I will,” Todd said. 

I have to because I can’t live without her, he thought.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Rebecca deals with the backlash of dating Todd and the two discuss their relationship]

It was early February, Rebecca was doing some studying at the library on campus. She and Todd had been seeing each other when they can since New Year’s. She looked at her watch, it as late, almost 11 pm. 

She was gathering up her books when Steve, one of the other students, came walking over. He was tall, about as tall as Todd was, lean with short dark hair and brown eyes. 

“So Rebecca, I heard you have been seeing Todd Manning?” he whispered at her. 

“And how is that your business?” she asked him. 

“Hey, you just seem to have a thing for rapists, if you are looking to get raped that is your prerogative.” He moved over to her and tried to touch her arm.

“Stay away from me!” She hissed as she stood up. 

“Or what?” he said with a grin.

“I’ll tell Todd and you know how violent he gets.” She moved away from him. “Now stay away from me.”

Steve snorted and walked away. Rebecca tried to calm herself. This was not the first time someone had made vulgar remarks to her about her relationship with Todd. It seemed if each time they were out in public together people would whisper or say things to their faces. Todd tried to control his rage but Rebecca knew if she was not with him, he probably would have punched some of those people. She never told him about the comments she was getting when he was not around. She didn’t want him to worry or doubt they could have a future together. 

Rebecca tried to compose herself and head outside. She wanted to be with Todd and she couldn’t let other people make her feel like she shouldn’t. 

Todd was outside sitting on a bench and wearing his blue windbreaker. “Hi, Rebecca.”

“Todd, what are you doing here?” She smiled. 

“I figured you would be on campus and I have off tonight, I thought I would come by and see if maybe you want to go by Rodi’s for a bit. Are you okay?” Rebecca was still shaking a little. 

“I am fine and I’d love to but I have class in the morning.” She felt herself calming down a little. Todd would protect her. 

“Can I walk you home?” His face was so full of hope, it made her think of a young boy. 

“Sure.” She smiled and two started to walk together. 

“You don’t seem like you socialize much with the co-eds,” Todd remarked. “Is it because of me?”

“It was before you,” Rebecca explained. “I have tried to fit in for almost two years but I just feel like I never will.”

“You feel you don’t belong here, huh?” Todd commented. 

“Yes. You never knew it but after I thought you had…after you feel into the river,” Rebecca shuttered remembering that night. “I felt very lonely and like I didn’t fit in, losing you didn’t help much.”

“It didn’t?” Todd seemed shocked. They were standing outside the back entrance to the Palace. 

“No, you have no idea how much I mourned for you.” Rebecca looked sad recalling it. 

“No, I didn’t.” Todd was thoughtful, recalling when he saw her and Powell together. “Is that why you were seeing Powell?”

“I guess,” said Rebecca. “I don’t want to think about him right now.”

“So you were sad for me? You mourned for me?” Todd seemed surprised and almost touched.

“Of course I did Todd. It wasn’t easy for me. A lot of people seemed to feel I shouldn’t grieve for you, and it just made me feel worse.” Rebecca opened up the door and motioned for Todd to follow her. The two of the made their way back to her room and she motioned for him to follow her. 

“I never thought about how much you must have suffered. I mean I doubt even my father shed a tear,” he commented.

“It must have been hard for you, seeing me with Powell,” she commented. 

“Look, Rebecca, I am not the same person I was when I did those bad things,” he told her. “But I know that I have learned to care.”

“I know,” said Rebecca. “Do you want to maybe do something on Valentine’s Day?”

“Well what did you have in mind?” he asked as he sat down on the bed. He was relieved to change the topic. 

“It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. We could just meet at Rodi’s. I have class that day so I can meet you there.” She walked over and stroked his hair. 

Todd pulled her towards and he kissed her. He pulled her next to him on the bed and she put her arms around him. He slipped his tongue into her mouth, slowly and gently and she felt herself wanting to do more than this as she missed him back. He pulled his mouth away carefully and rested his forehead on hers. She could feel him, through her clothes and she knew he was aroused. She wondered if this was hard for him, waiting to do more. 

“Shh,” whispered Todd. “Clothes on, I promise Rebecca, I won’t pressure you to do more.”

“I know, Todd,” she whispered. “I trust you.”

Todd pulled away and smiled. “Look you said you have to study. I’ll go now but I’ll see you soon.”

Rebecca stood up and walked him to her door. He turned to tenderly and quickly kiss her on the mouth before he left. She saw him walk down the hall with a smile on his face. 

As Rebecca laid in the bed that night she thought about how it wasn’t Todd she felt might lose control one day; it was herself.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Rebecca and Todd go to meet for their Valentine's Day date but not everything goes so well for the two]

“So are you meeting someone here tonight?” Dylan asked Todd.

It was Valentine’s Day and Todd was at Rodi’s. The crowd consisted of happy couples and drunk and not so happy single people. Todd was happy, waiting for Rebecca to show up.   
“Yes, Rebecca is coming here after class,” he said as he drank his beer. 

“So you and she are seeing each other,” Dylan commented.

“Yeah,” said Todd flatly. “You know today is her birthday?”

“Really?” He turned to wait on other customers. Dylan didn’t particular Todd but he tried to respect him. The feeling was mutual. 

Steve and Jim were also at the bar and were already a little drunk. Jim overheard the conversation and nudged Steve before he made his way over to where Todd was sitting. 

“So tell me, Todd,” Jim taunted him. “Have you held Rebecca Lewis down on the bed yet and forced yourself on her?”

“Why don’t you just get lost?” Todd asked trying to remain cool but his face was full of rage. 

“Oh, think you are so much better than us,” said Steve. “Hey, maybe you let us join you when you finally do rape her?” 

Todd clenched a first and glared at him. He was not going to lose his temper. Not tonight. 

Dylan came to his rescue. “Look, why don’t you two drunken losers take a hike or I will throw you out.”

Todd watched them leave and a small part of him thawed out enough to feel somewhat grateful towards Looney Tune’s brother. 

“Thanks man,” he said gruffly. 

“Yeah, well don’t get so cocky,” Dylan explained. “I still expect you to control yourself. So when is Rebecca getting here?”

“Soon, I think she said Cord was on campus and offered to give her a ride over to the radio station.”

*

Cord was at the station dropping a few things off for Luna and Max and the annual Valentine’s day show. 

“So Rebecca, you can get to Rodi’s right through that back door,” he explained. 

“Thanks, Cord, are you meeting Blair at the Palace tonight?” she asked. 

“Yes, are you sure you and Todd won’t join us? I can treat you both seeing as it is your birthday,” he smiled. 

Rebeca smiled. “It’s okay plus some of the people there…”

“I know. Are the folks on campus any nicer?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Not really. I never told Todd but they don’t always have nice things to say.”

Cord shook his head. “It’s a shame. I know he’s done some things wrong but he did stop Powell and he does deserve a chance. I know how it feel to love someone that others can’t see the good in all the time.”

Rebecca smiled. “I think you and Blair are good for each other.”

“Thanks. Listen, if you ever want to talk or if you just need a ride home, let me or Blair know, okay?”

Rebecca nodded. “I will. I better go before Todd thinks I stood him up.”

She headed out the door and into the alleyway as Cord left out the front door. 

 

*  
As Rebecca walked into the alley and the door shut behind her, she saw Jim and Steve standing out there.

“Well, look who it is,” said Jim as he staggered over to her. 

“What do you want?” she asked as she tried to back away from him but still walk towards Rodi’s. 

“Oh come on now,” he asked. “What’s wrong? Can’t keep your boyfriend waiting?”

She tried to move quickly but Steve blocked the other way.

“Will you please move?” she said in a tone that she tried to keep firm. 

“Don’t you like things, rough?” Jim asked coming up behind her. “I am sure that’s how Todd likes it.”

“What he and I do or don’t do, is none of your business,” she responded. “Now move because if Todd catches you bothering me, I am sure he won’t be so calm about it.”

“Oh yeah,” said Steve grabbing her am. “Why don’t you try to fight your own battle, Ms. Bible Thumping Chick?”

Rebecca tried to pull away and yelled in panic as the two started laughing and shoving. 

*

Meanwhile, Todd put his beer down and turned towards the door that led to the alley. He didn’t just hear the cry; he could sense it. He knew those punks were bothering her and he felt his rage start to rise. 

“Did you hear something?” Dylan asked him.

“It sounded like Rebecca,” Todd said as he took off. 

Dylan threw his rag down and followed right behind him.   
*

Todd and Dylan ran into the alleyway. The two young men let Rebeca go and she felt down to the ground with a whimper.

“Rebecca,” Todd cried as he paused and glared at Steve and Jim. 

Rebecca stood up, terrified. Quivering with fear, she walked over to him and Dylan.

“Didn’t I tell you two drunken losers to get lost?” asked Dylan as Todd as placed his arm around Rebecca who was shaking like a leaf. 

“Hey, we didn’t do anything,” shouted Jim. 

“Nothing she probably isn’t doing with this criminal,” said Steve. 

“Watch it,” growled Todd as Rebecca grabbed onto his shirt. 

“Oh come on, little Bible thumping chick, may try to act so high and mighty, but we all know she’s nothing more than a slut. Hanging around with rapists and all,” said Jim as he swayed. 

“Okay, I have had enough,” said Dylan. “I am going to call the cops. If Rebecca, won’t press charges than I will.”

“Look she’s asking for it, dating Todd Manning,” Steve said as he stumbled. “She’s no better than the scum she hangs around with.”

“Rebecca,” said Todd in a voice that had palpable rage under its even tone. “I think you should wait inside for the police.”

Dylan had already turned to go back inside. Still shook up, Rebecca turned to follow him. She could sense the anger in Todd was growing like a darkness that was starting to cover the area slowly but surely. 

“Todd,” she said, turning back looking confused. “Aren’t you coming?”

“I’ll be in, in a moment. Just go inside,” he said his eyes never leaving Steve’s. 

“But Todd…” she started. 

Todd turned to look at her, “Just go now!”

Rebecca ran inside the bar before he could repeat himself. Todd turned back to Jim and Steve and moved towards them with a tangible rage. 

“So you want to push someone around? Does that make you feel like a man?” he slammed Jim against the wall.

“Oh please, like you are one to talk?” Jim said shoving Todd so that he backed into the dumpster. 

“Yeah,” said Steve. “You think you are better than us. How many women did you rape?”

Todd grabbed Steve by the neck and started to squeeze it. “If you have a problem with me than you bring it up with me. You leave her alone! Do you understand me? You leave Rebecca alone!”

His last few words were spoken in a omnipresent voice that echoed around the alley and seem to engulf all three of them with its wrath. It was enough to terrify Jim and Steven who in that moment recalled that Todd had killed a man while fighting him once and that he was more than capable of doing it again. 

Frantic, Jim tried to grab Todd’s arm. “Come on, man. You are going to kill him.”

Todd threw Steve against Jim, which caused them both to fall down. “It would be more than what either of you deserve.”

The two got up slowly, and looked at him, petrified. Todd grinned ominously and showed his teeth. He felt like a cat about to catch and torture a mouse and although he knew it was wrong, he was enjoying it. 

“Come on, Todd,” pleaded Jim. “We’re sorry. Honest.”

“Yeah, we won’t bother Rebecca,” Steve promised. 

“Oh come on, guys” he teased. “Be a man and show me how you like to play, rough!”

He grabbed at Steve just as the cops were pulling up. The sirens and the glaring lights snapped him back to reality. 

“Okay, freeze,” he heard a voice shout. “Hands up.”

He knew that voice. That female cop, Andy. Damn it!

Todd froze, horrified, with his hand still grasping Steve’s arm. Steve was struggling to break free from his hold. Jim was already standing with his hands in the air. 

What am I doing? He thought.

“Manning put your hands up!” she shouted as she went for her gun.

“But.” He let go of Steve who quickly threw his hands up. 

“Just do it!” she shouted. 

Another cop came up from behind her as Todd did as he was told. Two more cars arrived on the scene and Bo Buchannan was with them. 

“Well Todd, looks like you and I have a date for Valentine’s day this year, together,” he said. 

“Bo, look. They started it,” he try to explain before he was handcuffed. 

“Well all three of you can come down and give a statement along with Dylan Moody.” He walked down the alley and Todd saw that Dylan and Rebeca were both standing in the doorway to the alley now. Rebecca looked confused and frightened at the sight of Todd being led away in handcuffs with Steve and Jim. 

Damn it! Todd thought. I am never going to get this right!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Todd is taken to the station and Rebecca tries to come to his rescue]

The three arrived at the station. None of them spoke until they were placed in the holding cell together. Todd sighed and sat down. This was a scene he knew too well. Jim and Steve were standing up as if they were afraid to touch anything. 

“Look at where you got us, loser,” Jim shot at Todd. 

“You started this, coward,” he pointed out to Jim. “You had to go and harass Rebecca. She never did anything to you!”

“Hey,” said Steve. “If she doesn’t want to be bothered, she shouldn’t be dating rapists.”

“Well you two should leave her alone!” Todd stood up. 

“Just like you, Powell, and Zach left Marty alone!” Jim taunted.

“I regret what I did,” Todd explained. “Don’t you feel that least bit sorry for bullying a sweet innocent girl like Rebecca?”

Todd went to grab Jim and Steve tried to push Todd. All three were shouting and pushing each other. The commotion did not go unnoticed. 

“You guys, knock it off!” Office Andy came over. “Bo wants to talk each of you. Jim and Steve why don’t you two go first.”

She opened up the cell to let them out with an awaiting officer. Todd walked over to the bars but she just motioned for him to stop.

“Buchannan said for you to stay in here and calm down for a bit,” she explained.

“But they were the ones who started it!” He protested as she locked the cell. 

“Sorry, Manning,” she said. “It’s the commissioner’s orders and he is thinking of calling the governor about your pardon because of tonight.”

“I can’t catch a break,” he moaned as he sat down in the cell. 

 

Rebecca meanwhile had taken a cab to the station. She knew she had to explain to Bo what had happened and was waiting to talk to Bo. Ray Martino came walking down the hall. 

“Rebecca,” he said. “Are you here to try to bail Todd?”

“I want to talk to Bo,” she explained. “I guess you heard about what happened? Todd was only trying to protect me.”

“I know he lost it tonight,” Ray sighed. “He was doing so well. Our extra sessions on Thursday seemed to really be helping him.”

“Extra sessions on Thursday?” Rebecca was confused. “I thought he was just working extra hours.”

Ray made a face and she could tell he had let that slipped by accident. 

 

“Yes,” he told her. “He wanted to learn to control his rage. I think you were a big reason why he wanted to do that.”

Rebecca recalled Todd commenting on his father and how violent he could get. His father used to beat his mother. Todd didn’t want to be like that. She knew how much she meant to him and how no doubt that he did it to make sure he wouldn’t hurt her. She had seen his sorrow when she left for Texas and his elation when she returned. She knew he wanted her in his life. And the truth is, she wanted him as well.

“I am sure I was,” she commented. 

Just then Bo stepped out into the hall. He seemed almost inconvenienced by her presence. 

“Ms. Lewis, you said you wanted to speak with me,” he said. 

Rebecca got up and followed him into the office. He motioned for her to sit down. She saw that Hank Gannon was also there. 

“Bo, what Todd did tonight was horrible,” she stated.

“You can save your sermon,” he responded. “I know what kind of man Todd is.”

“Todd was provoked. Those two young men were harassing me in the alley.” 

“And what on earth were you doing back there?” he asked her.

“Cord gave me a ride to the radio station from campus. I was taking the back way to Rodi’s to meet Todd there. Jim and Steve starting saying things and grabbing at me and this was not the first time.”

“They’ve bothered you before?” Bo seemed concerned. 

“Yes,” Rebecca informed him as she made a sad face.

“Let me guess, about your relationship with Manning?” He came around and leaned back on his desk.

“Yes. Todd heard me yelling and he and Dylan Moody both came into the alley. They started to egg Todd on by saying vulgar things about me and Todd told me to wait inside with Dylan. Dylan can confirm this story. It was not entirely Todd’s fault. He didn’t start it. “

“Ms. Lewis, that doesn’t excuse almost choking a man,” Bo started.

Rebecca stood up. “He was protecting me!”

Bo seemed shocked, “Are you defending that he got physically violent with those two?”

Rebecca snapped back and seemed shocked with herself. Since when did she become so quick to argue with anyone? Then she looked calmly at Bo.

“Yes, I guess I am.” She sat back down. 

“Ms. Lewis, you do realize he got pretty rough with them,” said Hank.

“He was protecting me! He was provoked. Bo, when Todd attacked Nora at the beach house…” She stood up again. This time with her shoulders and head held high. 

“Now wait a second,” interrupted Bo.

“I know Todd was violent and cruel with her. But didn’t you attack Todd to save Nora?” She spoke with a confidence that took Bo by surprise. He was not used to her being like this. 

“He terrorized Nora,” Bo stated.

“Yes or no?” Rebecca crossed her arms. Hank looked over at the situation and seemed both amused and concerned. 

“Well, yes but…” Bo stuttered. 

“How are his actions tonight any different? I told you. I was outside of Rodi’s and those same two young men who harassed me before were bothering me again. They even pushed me down after Todd showed up. I don’t defend him getting as violent as he did but I will defend him for trying to protect me.” She slammed her first down on his desk an action that shocked both Hank and Bo.

“Can anyone confirm your story?” asked Bo.

“Dylan Moody. I told you. He ran outside with Todd and can verify that Todd was fighting the same two young men I told you about.”

“Alright, Ms. Lewis. We will call him over at Rodi’s and see if he will verify what you have told us.”

Rebecca just stared him down, “I will be waiting outside of your office while you do that.”

She left calmly with her shoulders and head held high. As soon as she was alone in the hallway she sat down and took a few deep breaths and wondered where on Earth she learned to act like that. 

Meanwhile Hank turned to Bo who still seemed shocked, “Are you going to make that call?”

“Yes. Boy she’s changed. She’s not that meek little missionary I remember from a little over a year ago. Looks like Manning had an influence on her after all”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Hank made a perplexed face. 

“I am not sure,” said Bo as he picked up his phone.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Todd and Rebecca's Valentine's Day evening is almost over with Todd still in jail.]  
> [This is not the final chapter in this whole work, but it will be the last one I put up for a while. I will try to get more up by the summer. In the meantime, I hope anyone reading this is enjoying this so far and that you will enjoy the rest of the story once it is up.]

Todd was laying down on the bench in his cell. He had not doubt those two punks would be released and he would be stuck here. Not that it mattered. He had seen that look on Rebecca’s face when the police took him away. It was over, finished.

She was the one thing I cared about, he thought. I wanted this to work out more than anything and now, thanks to something that was not even my fault, I lost her. 

He couldn’t lose Rebecca. She had been the one, the first one to have faith in him She was the only thing that he cared about in this lousy stupid world. This was his once chance at a real future. If she was gone, out of his life, there was no getting her back and there would be not more caring or hoping for him. 

He wondered what she would say, if she could hear his negative thoughts. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry. He could feel his last glimmer of hope fading away, like the sun finally setting and darkness creeping in on his very soul. 

“Have faith,” he mumbled sadly to himself. 

Just then Todd heard the sound of food steps down the corridor. He figured it was Bo or Andy or one of those punks. He didn’t really care. 

“Todd?” He heard Rebecca say.

Todd sat up and saw Rebecca standing in the room. One of the cops was standing by the door. He shook his head and blinked. Not sure if he was dreaming.

Rebecca could sense his apprehension. “It’s going to be alright, Todd. You will be getting out of here shortly.”

Todd stood up. “What are you doing here?”

“I had to get you out of here,” she told him. “I knew you were provoked.”

Rebecca walked over the holding cell. Todd walked slowly over to the bars. 

“Rebecca?” he said smiling. 

“I convinced Dylan to talk to Hank, “she said stuttering. “The charges are going to be dropped against you and I am pressing charges against those two men who were harassing me tonight.”

Todd nodded. “Good.” 

“Todd,” Rebecca hesitated as she went over. “I ran into Ray here, your old therapist.”

 

Todd stiffened for a moment. “Did he say anything? You seem upset.”

Rebecca looked at him, “He told me about you seeing him on Thursdays when you told me you were working late.”

Todd looked down, “Rebecca I’m…”

“Why would you lie about something like that?” Rebecca interrupted. “Why would you want to hide something like that from me? He told me the reason you wanted help. He said he was sorry he had betrayed your trust but that he felt I should know.”

Todd’s voice got all quiet and his eyes seem to water. He felt the way he did when spoke to Rebecca at the cabin about wanting a future with her, he felt like that small boy his father used to punch around, “I just don’t want to be like him.”

Rebecca moved over to the cell and placed her hands on the bars. “Like who?”

Todd moved over but refused to touch the bars. “Like my father. My mother left because of his temper and honestly not a day went by where I wish I had gone too.”

He bent his head and tried his best not to cry. Rebecca knew this Todd, the real Todd. The one she had seen at his mother’s cabin and at the tabernacle. 

“Todd,” she said calmly. “You are not your father. Remember what you told me about how I needed to think for myself and not live in the world that my aunt and uncle created.”

Todd lifted his head and looked into her eyes. Her sweet brown eyes and warm, kind face. He remembered all the times he felt like giving up and all he did was think about her and he found the strength to go on. 

“Yes,” he said softly, calmly.

“It’s the same with you, Todd. You can’t keep living the world your father created. You are not him any more than I am my aunt or uncle. You are Todd. You are capable of violence and causing pain yes. But you are capable of doing good. You want to do good. That’s why you went to Ray for help.” She leaned into the bars. 

Todd put his hands on top of hers. “It was not just for me. I did it for us, Rebecca.”

Rebecca shook her head. “You need to do it for you.

“It was for me and you!” he said with his voice shaking as he tried not to cry. “I love you. I want you to be a part of my future. I don’t want to lose you because you are worried I am going to hurt you. My father did some horrible things to me and to my mother. I don’t want those same things to ever happen to you, never.”

Rebecca spoke to him in authoritative tone. “Todd just by taking the initiative to get help, you are already very different from your father!”

Todd brought his hands which were trembling gently over Rebecca’s. She did not move away but continued to look calmly at him. 

“You really, mean that?” he asked. 

Rebecca smiled. “Todd remember what I said before? That I will never lose faith in you again. If you want this for yourself or for us, it will happen.”

Todd smiled. “I know you want me to be this great person. But right now I only want to be the best I can for you. I don’t care about the rest of the word, well not all of the time. You were the one who saw the good in me, you fought for me, you.”

Rebecca interrupted. “And you rescued me from Powell. You saved me when you were weak, and inured.”

Todd looked at her. “I hated what you went through, never you. I could never hate or be angry with you, Rebecca.”

Rebecca smiled. “I know Todd. Look they’re going to let you out shortly but I wanted to talk to you and I wanted to remind you of something that you once told me.”

Todd was puzzled. “Sure.”

Rebecca smiled. She remembered that night so well at the university. The night Todd had proposed and had tried to get her to admit her true feelings. She took his right hand held it over her heart with her left hand and with her right hand places his left hand over his heart.

“What do you feel Todd?” he asked.  
Todd smiled his all knowing smiling. “It’s still the same.”

The sound of Bo coming down the hall startled them both. Todd took a step back from the bars and Rebecca moved away. 

“Okay, Manning,” he said as he unlocked the holding cell. “You are free to go with our apologies.”

Todd gave him a smug look. “You know after what happened last year, I would have hoped you had learned to not always assume I am the bad guy.”

He expected Rebecca to make a comment. Instead she just said, “Come on Todd. It’s late; let’s both go home.”

Todd glared at Bo behind Rebecca’s back before he placed his arm around her and walked out of the station with her.  
 


	19. 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Rebecca and Todd head back to his room. Again if you have been reading this, I hope you are enjoying it and yes, I know it's a long fan fic but I promise the story is going to move forward a bit more. Up until more I have been trying to do a lateral story because I wanted to develop the characters of Todd and Rebecca so that it would make sense for them to be a couple but I promise: Todd is still going to have some of that "darkness" that we know makes Todd Manning, Todd Manning.]

Rebecca walked with Todd back to Rodi’s. Despite her defending him at the police station, he still felt ashamed for having put her through that. He expected her to just leave once they arrived at his room but he was shocked when she asked if she could come in. 

“Sure,” he said a little perplexed. “If that is what you want.”

She nodded. He let her in and she sat down on the bed. Todd walked over slowly feeling remorseful.

“Rebecca, I’m sorry for..” he started.

“Todd, don’t apologize,” she stated calmly.

Todd stood up a little surprised at her composed demeanor. He was intrigued by this change in her. Less than a year ago, she probably would have been upset with him for getting violent no matter what the provocation. 

“I don’t approve of you getting violent, you know that,” she said. “But I understand how you felt tonight. The truth is, this was not the first time someone has harassed me about being with you.”

“People have been giving you a hard time about us being together?” Todd was concerned. He felt a pang of sadness; being with Rebecca was the one thing that made him happy.

“Yes,” she said. “It happens a lot. At the Palace or on campus. People say things.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Todd was upset. 

“I guess…” Rebecca sighed. “I didn’t want you to worry or feel that we shouldn’t be together.”

“Of course I worry, Rebecca.” Todd sounded sterner than he meant to. “I love you and I don’t want to just stand by and let you suffer for my sins. You did nothing wrong.”

“I did nothing wrong?” Rebecca stood up. “Todd I was afraid of my love for you.”

“I was afraid of my feelings as well,” Todd confessed.

“Yes but I almost married someone else because of my fear and looked at what happened. Powell was so hurt by my actions that he lost his mind.” Rebeca stood up. 

“What happened to Powell was not just your fault,” Todd commented thoughtfully. “I am even more to blame.”

“Fair enough,” Rebecca sat back down. “But Todd, I want to stand by you. I don’t care what other people say to me. I love you and I want us to be honest with each other and I want us…”

“What?” Todd leaned in thoughtfully. 

Rebecca looked down for a moment and then she looked right into his eyes. Once her dark eyes met his he felt his connection to her once more. 

“To have a future together,” she said softly as she touched his face. 

He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and then he smiled at her. He glanced over at his night table where he kept his mother’s old ring and thought about how he had not given Rebecca a gift yet. 

“Wait here a moment,” he whispered tenderly. 

He walked over to the night table and pulled out the box he kept the ring in. He stared at it for a moment and tenderly recalled his mother and the warmth and hope she had brought him just like Rebecca did. 

“Rebecca you have been my rock, my angel, my salvation,” he touched her face gently and opened up the box. His voice shook a little as he struggled on his words. “I know some would say, I don’t deserve you but I promise that I won’t stop trying to be the man you deserve. I love you.”

Rebecca seemed nervous for a second. She took a deep breath and remembered what Pastor Linda had said about not being afraid of her feelings; not being afraid to love Todd. 

“Todd, you may not realize it now but you are more than I deserve,” she stroked his face and held out her hand. 

His hand trembled a little as he put the ring on her. He felt like a child, a little scared, excited and unsure. They had been through so much together, since they first met. 

“There is something I want us to agree to,” Todd told her. “From now on, no more secrets or lies.”

Rebecca nodded. “We are together, there is an us. We have to be honest with each other.”

Todd smiled and leaned in to kiss her. Rebecca felt his mouth on hers. She kissed him back unafraid of him but not so sure if she trusted herself with her own desires for than just a kiss.


	20. 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca shares the good news with a couple of friends.

“Rebecca is everything alright?” Renee asked her in her a worried voice. 

Rebecca had just come down to start her shift. She was still wearing the ring that Todd had given her. She had not seen Renee yet.

“Why do you ask?” Rebecca was confused. 

“I heard a rumor that Todd was taken by the police last night and that you came to the station to tell Bo to let him go.” Renee pulled Rebecca aside.

Rebecca hesitated. Renee was very much like a mother to her but she knew that Renee did not fully approve of Todd and she was unsure how she would take the news that Rebecca had accepted Todd’s proposal. Especially now that she knew about what had happened at Rodi’s last night.

“It was not Todd’s fault,” Rebecca tried to explain.

Renee sighed. “We have been through this, Rebecca. Todd hurts people.”

“Cord took me to the station and I took the back door to go to Rodi’s,” she continued. “There were a couple of guys there and they were harassing me and grabbing at me and Todd heard me screaming and he came into the alley to help me. They made a cruel remark about me and Todd got angry and hit them. Dylan Moody was there and saw the whole thing.”

Renee just looked at Rebecca and said nothing. Rebecca was torn about what to tell Renee. 

“Todd would never hurt me,” Rebecca stated. “He loves me and I love him.”

Renee forced a smile. “I see.”

Rebecca was unsure of what she meant than she remembered the ring on her finger. Rebecca looked down and touched it for a moment. She looked back at Renee and smiled. 

“This was his mother’s wedding ring,” she explained as she touched it. “It means a lot to him. He doesn’t really have anything else that was her’s.”

“So I guess you two are engaged?” Renee stated calmly.

Rebecca nodded and her eyes met Renee’s. She saw Renee force a smile. 

“Are you happy for us?” Rebecca asked uncertainly.

Renee nodded. “If this is what you want, I accept it.”

*

“So I see congratulations are in order,” Pastor Linda said as she sat down at their table at the Palace. 

Rebecca smiled and glanced at her ring. Renee’s comment has been forced. It was not of genuine warmth but more of tolerance. The pastor was warm and full of hope. 

“Yes. We got engaged last night.” Rebecca explained. 

“How do you feel about that?” Linda asked. 

Rebecca glanced around and lowered her voice. “I am happy but other people just can’t seem to accept us.”

“Rebecca, you have to follow your heart and not just listen to other people,” she explained.

“I know that,” said Rebecca. “But it isn’t easy people make rude comments and just last night some guys were harassing me at Rodi’s.”

“How did Todd feel about that?” 

“He got angry and hit one of them,” Rebecca explained. 

“He must have a bit of a temper, not that I blame him for being upset of course.”

“Me neither. A lot of people say things to me, I know if he knew he would be upset with them.”

“He seems to want to protect you. You must be very precious to him,” the pastor explained.

“I am,” Rebecca smiled. “But there are a couple of other things.”

“Like what?” she seemed concerned. 

The waitress came and took their orders. Rebecca waited till they were alone.

“I have these desires towards Todd, sexually but I want to wait.” Rebecca lowered her voice.

“Is Todd pressuring you?” 

“No, he seems to be willing to wait. He knows I want to but I have to admit, sometimes it’s hard for me to wait and sometimes just knowing I have those feelings bothers me.”

“Well seeing as you are going to marry the man you have those feelings for, I would think that would be a good thing?” She smiled. 

“No, I mean…my uncle and my aunt they taught me it was wrong to feel any kind of desire like that.”

“I see,” she said finally understanding. “I bet anything that gave you any pleasure, they said was bad for you, right?”

Rebecca nodded. “Not just sexual things. Anything. I couldn’t wear makeup. They didn’t want me to have a lot of material things. Sometimes I still feel guilty when I do anything that makes me happy.”

“God wants us to be happy, just not at the expense of others.” The pastor pointed out. “Sexuality is not a sin. It is how we deal with our desires that makes it right or wrong.”

“I know that. Masturbation is not a sin, sex with your husband is not a sin. Material goods are not a sin as long as you know there are bigger things out there.”

“Exactly,” the pastor smiled. 

Rebecca thought for a second. “There is something I have been wanting to do.”

“What is that?” the pastor asked as the waitress came by with their orders.

Rebecca waited until the waitress was gone. “I want to go back to Texas, just for a short time. I want to see if I can find my birth parents.”

Linda looked puzzled. “You mean your uncle and your aunt never told you anything about them?”

She shook her head. “I know he was related to my mother. He commented on her a couple of times. Said she was a sinner and that I needed to make sure I was not like her.”

“So you want to find out about them.”

“Yes and I want to see my aunt and uncle again. I ran away when I was just 18 and then I met Angela and joined with her. I never really had any closure with them.”

“So why not you go and see what you can find?” Linda suggested. “Spring break is next month. I can help pay for your airline ticket.”

Rebecca smiled. It was funny how the pastor always knew what to say to Rebecca and yet Rebecca always seemed to be able to think clearly when she was around. 

To be continued.....


	21. 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Rebecca makes a tough decision and decided to find out more about her parents.  
> If you want to know what happens after this chapter, read my other fan fic "Seek and ye shall find". My next chapater is going to take place right after it.]

“What are you complaining about?”

Rebecca’s uncle’s dark eyes were wide with rage. His fists were clenched in fists of rage. 

“Nothing Uncle Joseph,” she stuttered. She was trembling. He had already not allowed her to eat anything since breakfast. It was late. She was not sure how late but it was dark out and it was April. 

“I heard you saying you wished you had a new dress like the one you saw your classmate wearing,” he growled at her. 

Her Aunt Mary just sat in the corner silently and not saying a word. Her gaze was as cold as ice. Rebecca had turned to her in hopes she would stop this torment. 

“I was just commenting that she looked very nice in it.” She was trembling with fear. 

“Are you not grateful for what you have?” He grabbed her by her hair and pulled her towards him.

“Uncle Joe,” she cried out in pain and wept. She started to plead with him to let go.

He tossed her back to the floor. “You were in all of those foster homes. You told us when we came to get you that you had prayed to have a family.”

“I did,” she implored through her tears. “I was happy to know that you two were out there and that you came to get me.”

“Then why are you so ungrateful?” her aunt inquired in a cold, emotionless voice. “You have everything you need. Why want for more?”

“It was….” Rebecca felt suddenly small and powerless. “Just something I said, without thinking. I didn’t meant that I don’t like the clothes I have.” 

“Enough!” Her uncle picked up his bible and bowed his head in thought. Rebecca continued to tremble and changed her glance from her aunt to her uncle. She was not sure what they were going to do her. She was hungry and tired. They had already made her pray for her soul and she was wonder why God would have sent them to find her if they were just going to treat her like a burden.

“Perhaps she needs to spend some time out of the home that we have prepared for her until she can learn to appreciate it,” suggested her aunt. 

“It shall be done,” he commented with a sigh. “It seems the sins of her whore of a mother have been passed down to her.”

Rebecca seldom heard her uncle speak of her mother. It was almost like her mother had never really existed or that he wanted to make it seem that way. When she had questioned them about her parents they had told her not ask them such things. 

He marched right over and grabbed her by her arm with such force that she cried out in pain. 

“Silence!” hissed her aunt as she followed behind the two of them. 

Her uncle dragged her outside that way and locked her in the back of his vehicle. She was dazed for a moment after he shoved her in. She shook herself off and tried to bang on the windows. 

“You will stay in there,” he informed her. “Until you can appreciate the home that we have prepared for you.” 

“Pray for yourself, Rebecca,” her aunt said before turning away. “Pray for your soul.”

“Please,” she begged as she banged on the windows with what little strength she had left. “Let me out!”

“Silence!” her uncle yelled at her with such rage that Rebecca fell back onto the seat. 

Rebecca cried out in her sleep so loud that she woke up Todd. He turned the light on by his bed and started to gently wake her up.

“Rebecca?” he said his voice full of concern.

She sat up so quickly that Todd put his hands on her shoulders to protect her. She looked around the room in amazement as if she was surprised to be there. He shook his head and blinked his eyes in an attempt to fully wake up himself. 

Rebecca was trying to take in her surroundings. His dresser was near her. She could see her purse and jacket in the chair by his desk along with her dress. She looked at herself and she was wearing one of his sweat shirts and sweat pants. She glanced down at her hands and touched the ring on her finger and looked at Todd, her day eyes still full of fear. 

She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Todd could see the sheer terror that was lingering in her eyes. He hugged her gently. 

“Bad dream?” he whispered as he rested his chin on her head.

She just nodded too terrified to speak put she placed her head on his shoulder and wept a little.

“Aww, Rebecca,” Todd moaned. “You don’t have to be so strong for me. Hush."

He lovingly stroked her hair to try to soothe her. The sound of his calm breathing and the feel of his arms helped Rebecca feel more placid. She could feel the fear and terror start to slowly melt away. 

“It was just a dream,” he reassured her as he kissed her forehead.

“No it wasn’t,” she told him and pulled slowly away. “It was something to happen to me a few years ago. Right before I ran away from my aunt and uncle.”

“What happened?” He leaned back and looked at her. 

She dried her eyes and looked at him with his hair falling down past his shoulders. He was wearing his black t shirt and looking at her with so much concern that felt safer.

“Remember how I told you that my aunt and uncle would punish me for wanting things?” she explained. 

“Yes,” he laid down on his side. 

She laid down next to him. “The night I left it was really terrible. I had not eaten and he was yelling at me and so was my aunt. They locked me up in their car and were going to leave me there.”

“For how long?” he asked resting his head on his hand.

“Probably forever,” she said shaking her head. “I was there for most of the night before I realized that they had forgotten to lock the door.”

“So you got out?” Todd raised his right hand carefully wiped her tears away. 

“Yes.” She touched her cross. “I snuck back in the house and stole some bread and I packed a few of belongings, including my bible into my book bag and ran away.”

“And you were homeless for a bit?” he said. “I know how that feels.”

Rebecca touched his cheek and forced a smile. “Not long after is when I met Angela. I had been so sad and angry and she helped me for a while.”

Rebecca seemed sad thinking of Angela and the lies she had told Rebecca as well as others. Todd could sense her frustration.

“And Angela brought you to Landview,” he told her. “And our paths crossed and look at where we are now: together.”

Rebecca smiled. He managed to glance out his window. “Looks like the snow is finally stopping. And I promise next time we are stuck here in a storm, we won’t eat the bar pie from Rodi’s.”

Rebecca laughed and Todd seemed pleased. 

“Do you think you did well on your midterms?” he asked her trying to change the topic. 

“I am sure of it. You think my flight will still be on time tomorrow.” She glanced out the window too.

“Yes, but I almost don’t want it to be.” He laid down and looked at the ceiling.

“I need to do this, Todd,” she said. 

He turned and looked at her sadly. He gently touched her cheek and said nothing but his eyes were telling her that he didn’t want her to leave. 

“I want to go back to Texas and try to find my parents or at least find out what happened to them,” she reminded him as she stroked his face right along his scar. 

“Are you sure you want to go alone?” Todd seemed concerned. “You know, I bet I could still come with you.”

“Yes, this is something I have to do on my own,” she explained. “You know you have helped me so much, and so has Renee and Linda. You have taught me not to be as afraid as I used to be and to think for myself.”

Todd smiled. He noticed that as she said that she glanced down at his mother’s wedding ring. He loved seeing that ring on her finger and what it symbolized. He loved knowing that she was really and truly his. 

“I meant what I said to you when you accepted my proposal,” he told her. “No matter what I want to always be your rock.”

“You are Todd,” she assured him. “The whole time I am in Texas, if I need any comfort or strength, I can think of you, or Renee or Linda and I will have my bible with me. The Lord is also my strength.”

Todd smiled. Rebecca never failed to amaze him. She didn’t always like when he compared her to an angel but how could he not when she had been through so much and yet managed to help heal him. 

“Well, let’s both get some sleep,” he told her. 

He turned out the light and laid back down. Rebecca laid her head on his chest. 

“Todd, there’s something else I have been meaning to ask you.”

“Hmm,” Todd said as he turned his head to look at her.

“Are you sure it doesn’t bother you, waiting…I mean…till we are married?” she seemed concerned. 

“No, why?” he sounded perplexed. 

“It’s just. I sometimes wonder if it is hard for you. It’s been a long time for you.” She listened to his heart.

“Since Marty,” he muttered.

Rebecca paused and realized that he was referring to Spring Fling. She didn’t stop to think before about his own fears. 

“I didn’t mean to,” she tried to explain. 

“It’s okay,” he told her. “Look. I respect your faith, Rebecca. I admire it. If it weren’t your faith who knows where I would be right now.” 

“Our faith, Todd,” she said. “We are together now.”

“Right,” he told her. “And I know you want to wait so we will.”

He grinned at her and she snuggled into him and the both feel asleep.


	22. 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Rebecca gone, Todd thinks about her.

That night Todd came home to his motel room after work. It had been a long afternoon. After he said good bye to Rebecca before she left to go to Texas he had gone to his meeting at the hospital and then went to work. He had confided in Zach about his engagement to Rebecca and Zach had wasted no time in trying to get Todd to admit to having nailed the Bible thumping choir girl as Zach liked to call her and chiding him when Todd had hissed under his breath to not mind his own business.

“Oh so now you are born again, too?” Zach had grinned as he waiting for the meeting to begin.

“No,” Todd had growled making sure no one was listening. Certain things were not for group discussion. Rebecca was something precious to him, something he cherished and he did not like the idea of anyone mocking her. “But she has certain beliefs, Zach. You know that.”

“Oh so now you are some church going goody, goody?” he ridiculed. 

“Of course not!” He snapped, trying not to be cross. After all, Zach was probably still envious of his freedom. “But she is and I respect her wishes.”

Zach had seemed puzzled. “I guess you really do care for her bro, huh?”

Todd calmed down a bit. “Yes. I do. Now shut up. Shelia is here and we are about to start.”

He was relieved when group began and little if any focus had been on him. He was worried if Ray overheard them talking he would insist that Todd share “his feelings” with the group. Certain things, like his relationship with Rebecca and the bond they had, were things that he didn’t feel like he could share with others nor did he want to. 

He was not going to lie. He was willing to wait till they were married because he loved Rebecca but of course he did want her physically. It made him feel a little guilty at times but well he was a man with physical desires. 

It was not like had not fantasized about Rebecca. He and Zach had an unspoken rule back in the jail cell after lights out. He never looked down on Zach’s bunk and Zach never tried to see what was going up on Todd’s not that Zach was tall enough. Todd always just assumed he was jerking off at night and Todd was not going to lie to himself, he had thought about Rebecca more than once in that prison in sinful ways. Especially after her second visit when she had seen so willing to help him. She had leaned and asked him what the favor was that he wanted and he had actually grinned when she did and for a moment wished he could have said that he wanted a conjugal visit just to see her response. 

All fantasizing aside, Todd was not sure what to expect on his wedding night. He was nervous. The last time had done anything sexual was when he had raped Marty at Spring Fling. Granted, it was about control and revenge. Still he was a little apprehensive since it would be his first time since that night and truthfully the first time with someone he cared about. 

He had deflowered a few girls before or at least girls who claimed to be virgins. He was sure they had been. Most had seemed confused and scared and a couple of them had actually bled during or after the experience. He was pretty sure when he had banged Milton’s cousin at a frat party that he had popped her cherry but he had promised her he would not tell Milton. 

He realized that thinking about those girls and Rebecca was getting him aroused. He groaned and felt a little ashamed but then he realized what the heck. He put his hand down there and closed his eyes and tried to think more happily about his future wedding night to Rebecca. What he would do to her, what she would do to him. No sin fantasying about it, right? There were going to be husband and wife and she may be the closest thing to a real angel he would ever find but she was still a woman.

When it was over he felt relieved and groggy and he admitted what he had really been worried about the whole time but didn’t want to admit it. He was worried about Rebecca being all alone in Texas. What if she found out something that upset her about her parents and he was not there to protect her or comfort her? He knew she said she be back in just a few days but he was still nervous. Todd tried to relax and let himself sleep and eventually he drifted off but his mind and his heart were still wrapped around the only previous thing he had ever had in his life: Rebecca.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't read "See and Ye Shall Find yet, I recommend that you do. If not, no big deal but this chapter references things that happen in that story. I do home that people are reading this and enjoying it.  
> Rebecca returns to Llandview and has a talk with Todd about what happened.

Rebecca’s plane had landed She was still numb from the news she had received in Texas. When Renee came to pick her up she forced a smile and waited until they were back at the hotel and in her room to share with her what had gone on. 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Renee offered.  
Rebecca shook her head. “I am going to call Todd and ask him to come over. He wanted me to see me as soon as I came back.”

Renee just forced a smile and nodded as she left. Rebecca knew that Renee accepted her relationship with Todd, even if she did not welcome it with open arms. She knew in time Renee would see what she saw in Todd. 

Rebecca was not surprised when Todd sounded excited to hear her voice. She could tell he seemed puzzle by her somber tone and told her he would be there as soon as he could. She told him to let himself in, her door would be open. 

She sat down at her desk and tried to read, to do anything to take her mind of the horrible information that her uncle had told her. A part of her wanted it to all be a bad dream. She was still trying to keep it together when Todd arrived. 

He forced a smile as he let himself in.

“So what did you find out?” he asked. 

Rebecca was still sitting at her desk. She seemed so distant and withdrawn. Todd was worried. This was not like Rebecca. Maybe she had not been able to find out the information about her parents. 

“Are they still alive?” he inquired concerned. “Your aunt and uncle?”

“My uncle is but not my aunt,” she whispered.

“Rebecca I can tell you are upset.” Todd put his arm around her and she seemed startled. “Tell me what you found out.”

She got and walked over to her bed and sat down. “My mom was my uncle’s sister.”

“And?” asked Todd sitting next to her.

“I went to the hospital where I was born and got a copy of my birth certificate.”

“Okay.” Todd grabbed and hugged one of her pillows. 

“There was no father listed,” she said.

“And your mother?” he asked. “Were you able to find her and ask her who your father was?”

“She had died, after I was born,” Rebecca said this as if she was ashamed and started to cry a little. “The staff there told me to find a relative so I went back there.”

“To your aunt and uncle’s home.” He leaned and she nodded looking away. “Well what happened when you go there and saw your uncle?”

“I asked him what happened to both of my parents.” She started to cry a little.

“What happened?” He tried to touch her shoulder. She looked at him.

“My mom died giving birth to me,” she explained. “She had some kind of a health condition and almost died during the pregnancy.”

“So that’s why you were placed in foster care?” Todd asked. “Why didn’t your dad get custody of you?”

“My mom was raped,” she said quickly. 

Todd felt numb all over. “She was?”

“Yes her parents told her that it was her own fault and they didn’t bother to try to catch the guy that did it.” Rebecca could feel her tears rolling down her cheeks. She had been so angry at her parents for all of those years and now she was ashamed. 

“That’s messed up,” said Todd.

“It’s just that..” Rebecca wiped her eyes. “She lost her life giving me mine. I mean she could have had an abortion.”

“Rebecca don’t even think that!” Todd hugged her.

“But I feel so terrible, my whole childhood I wondered why she gave me up when she in fact gave up her life to give me one.” She leaned on him a little bit and let him comfort her. 

“You know maybe she’s been watching over you,” Todd thought out loud.

Rebecca pulled back and looked at him. “Watching over?”

“Well, you told me that when you ran away you had to do some horrible things to survive and I mean look at what you have gone though. I mean those foster homes, Angela, Powell, and look at us. You helped change me for the better.” Todd smiled and gently touched her cheek. He hated seeing her like this, upset and all he wanted now was to comfort her. 

Rebecca placed her head on his shoulder and sensed the kindness in him that she knew was there. “Can you spend the night please?”

Todd held her close. “Of course.”

Rebecca smiled and whispered. “Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.”

“Corinthians, right?” Todd asked. 

“Huh?” Rebecca pulled back.

“That was from the book of Corinthians from the Bible right?” He smiled. “I don’t remember what part of Corinthians but it was from there right?”

“Yes.” Rebecca smiled warmly. “I was just a little surprised that you knew it.” 

“My mom used to say that to me,” he whispered to her. His eyes became distant. “She used to say a few verses but that one was her favorite. She said it to me when she put me on the bus to go back to my dad’s the summer. It was the last thing she said to me.”

Rebecca smiled and leaned her head back on his shoulder.

“Did anything else happen while you were down there?” he asked her. 

“I stood up to my uncle,” she told him.

“Good. That must have been so scary for you,” he told her. “Being alone with him.”

“I thought of you, Renee, and Pastor Linda,” she said as she got up. “It gave me strength. But I told him he was wrong for all of those years that he abused me.”

“Good,” he said. “I know how that anger can build up.”

Rebecca nodded and smiled at Todd and he couldn’t help but grin, pleased that he was able to comfort her; his angel. 

*

Todd woke up suddenly. He hated that nightmare. He was back with his father and his old man was shoving him and calling him a disgrace. 

He had managed not to move too much Rebecca was in the bed next to him. 

He moved himself just slightly. Rebecca still asleep snuggled closer to him, unafraid. 

He smiled and placed his arm around her. He loved seeing his mother’s ring on her finger, a reminder to him of the promise of the future they would finally have together. 

She’s mine, he thought. Soon, we will be together, for real and forever. 

He closed his eyes and drifted happily back to sleep.

To be continued


End file.
